Is Clay Aiken the Devil?
-
Artist:
-
Album:
-
Track:
Is this the face of Beelzebub?
I couldn't care less about inexplicably popular singer Clay Aiken's sexuality. Is he straight, gay, asexual, or a furry? It doesn't matter to me. As a fan of Elton John's early work and a few of George Michael's hits, I'm all for talented, out-and-proud homosexuals. Do I care that Aiken fathered a child out of wedlock? Not at all. You go, boy! (Even if fundamentalist Christians would have you sent back to hell for such a transgression of God's law.) I've even heard that he acquitted himself well when he joined the Broadway cast of the Monty Python-derived musical comedy "Spamalot."
So keep cool, Claymates. (That's the name that Aiken's most fervent fans have given themselves.) This is no gratuitous slam. But, when it comes to pop music, he is everything that is wrong about the processed M.O.R. crap that is the meat-and-potatoes of his spawning ground - the so-called "reality TV" karaoke competition "American Idol." No matter how much emotion that he tries to convey with his voice, the result is still aural cheez-whiz. The material is either time-worn and better done by the original artists or insipid twaddle cranked out by a pastiche-crazy tune-factory; and he's caught in some no-man's land between the glitzy, over-singing of Celine Dion and the bathetic "adult-contemporary" vapidity of Richard Marx.
Maybe Clay isn't the devil. Maybe it's actually Simon Cowell - arrogant, smirky judge and co-producer of "American Idol," which, in seven contests of star-searching so far, has produced exactly one really good pop single, "Since You've Been Gone," by Season One winner Kelly Clarkson. Cowell is clearly evil. (The other "Idol" judges Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson are just deluded attention whores.)
Or maybe it's another "Idol" alumnus, bland "new-country" diva Carrie Underwood, or some fellow purveyor of contemporary Nashville rubbish (with a dollop of bogus patriotism) such as Trace Adkins or Toby Keith. Or R&B singer R. Kelly. Or drug-addled Brit-rocker Pete Doherty. Or that scary Michael Jackson. Or, speaking of scary, fallen angel (heh) Amy Winehouse.
Which invites the question: In the grand realm of pop music, who's your devil?
Comments (54)
Yes
Kenny G
Totally....
That guy who sang "Sometimes When We Touch".....
Misstee: So which is it? Clay or Kenny?
Michael G.: (Heh) Check!
ivylander: Dan Hill. Yes, the honesty's too much. And so is that piece o' shit song.
Kenny G trumps Clay - the hair is what puts it over the top.
Off-topic. Ivylander: A long, long time ago I went on a (rare) blind date. We were in a restaurant with soft-pop music, and that song came on. Guy leans in a little and says, "This song is really meaningful."
eww.
Sting or Bonio - both utterly self absorbed, pompous, take themselves utterly seriously, have sold out everything they claimed to beliecve in - and make excrable music to boot
He's DAMIEN so far as I am concerned - & I ain't talkin Rice or Dempsey either !!!
Misstee: Hair apparent!
deedee: That anecdote made me throw up in my mouth a little.
Baudolino: I guess one man's devil is another man's ambassador of peace, goodwill and human rights...
Lizzie: Be afraid! Be very afraid! (I just learned that he's going back to "Spamalot" for another run. Does Eric Idle know about this and approve? Where is the voice of reason, John Cleese?)
John is presently undressing here in my den & speaking Russian words to me as I get all hot & heavy - needed it after this ACHING Aiken post ;P
Ewwwwww, with John Cleese? Nasty! Clay Aiken was bad enough but of course my twin had to take it there, hahah.
Lizzie: Now, I'm creeped out. ;-)
August: Nasty is relative, I guess.
SHHHH
don't be telling THA PIMP'S secrets....
he IS one of me minions
you know i don't think i have ever heard him sing one full song
maybe he RAWKS?
PIMP: Ah...no. He don't RAWK. He don't even rawk - or rock.
hahahaha
r u SURE?
PIMP: Sure as shootin'!
gotcha
i was goin out to get his latest release.....
Don't get me wrong, I love me some John Cleese, just with his clothes on thank you very much, heh.
And *Pimp*, Clay DOES NOT ROCK, RAWK OR RWK in any imaginable way!
Geez Mike, did this guy piss in your cornflakes this morning? Oh, and what the hell is furry, and where can I meet someone like that........it sounds nice
is it okay if I say christopher cross?
is he the devil? well, wouldn't YOU throw him out of Heaven?
and as for the devil, gotta go with Diddy. gawd I hate that cat
August: You tell 'em, man.
Rawkkiddoh: No cornflake incidents. I'm just doing what I must for the good of humanity. As you did by namechecking the vile Sean Combs. BTW, re: Furries - http://furry.wikia.com/wiki/Furry_fandom
ongoingly: Absolutely and unequivocally.
amber: Yes. For noise pollution.
ok not for me..........what is it when you are attracted to older women since we are on the subject
Cougar-philia?
How did a discussion about Clay Aiken's hades connection devolve into a fetish conversation? And Anna hasn't posted anything! ;-) (ok, ok, I'm bad).
Well, I know for certain that Zamfir's music plays in ALL the elevators in Hell, but as for modern Beelzabubbas, hmmm. Well, they all look so sweet and innocent, but Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus and those Jonas Bros are really a pack of imps and incubuses (incubi?). Man, they give me the creeps.
BTW, anyone else think Clay looks like a cross between Howdy Doody and Jenna Elfmann?
L.M.I.: I have it on good authority that Howdy and Jenna have been secretly lovers for years. And forgive me if I failed to mention Miley Montana as the spawn of Satan's auto mechanic, "new country" hasbeen Billy Ray Cyrus. Billy Ray surely had to sell his soul for his talent-free offspring to have turned into his very own cash cow.
LMI, I give Zamfir a pass as he has been employed in the past by Ennio Morricone....
I spend far too much time with folk who can sing about 'Ulupalakua ranch, do Bob Marley, Michael W. Smith, then play the strings off a 'Ukulele like Jake Shimabukuro or Taimane Gardiner. As for "American Idol," the Keali'i Reichel incident with "Hawaii Stars" sharpens the phony detector. No doubt about it, if you hear too many genre virtuosi in a row, the "all hat and no cattle" musicians don't make the cut.
Is it safe to mention Yanni?
Methinks Linda Evans would say so...
ahhahahhahahahha :)
This is actually the first time I'm looking at Mr Aiken. And that yellow button is the first time I'm hearing his erm, music.
Before you say I'm lucky, I have to tell you that we have Greek equivalents of all those talent shows, so..yeah.
Now, my devil will be James Blunt. His voice comes straight from hell level 3, his music is dripping honey to the point of drowning you in it, and the lyrics are....well, "lalalalallallalalife is wonderful" as a chorus should do all the talking for me.
I LOATHE HIM.
/end of rant.
James Blunt's a pretty good one....
Haven't read the post yet, but... Yes.
I'll bring the matches if you bring the gasoline...
ok, after reading... though I'm teeter-tottering with Lady Miss Ian's selection of the Jonas Bros, I would have to go with Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson's offspring should they have some. If they are not the most unholy union of all time ("music" -ally speaking), I'd like to know what is. So, by that I think that their demon seeds combined will result in the apocalypse.
Um, seems we've all forgotten Ted Nugent....
Michael Bolton's versions of "Like A Rolling Stone" and "Sexual Healing" are the nadirs of pop music history. Appalling.
Hah! Good one Mike!
I have to agree on most everyone you mentioned and everyone mentioned in the comments. I think Simon is quite the angel tho, brutally honest I gotta say I love that.
Axl Rose and Fergie should be considered...
I'll say, for the record, as I frequently have done, the Jonas Brothers don't make horrible music (I actually dig a fair amount of it) and I can stand me a Clay Aiken song or three.
For me, I agree on Ms. Winehouse. I don't even listen to her music, because I refuse to support an "artist" who so willfully makes public displays of her long, drawn out suicide. Kill yourself on your own time, lady, just do it quickly.
For all their perceived ills, neither the JoBros or Clay get popped doing anything like the disgusting and debaucherous Miss W.
Oh, and I just now remembered how much I hate "Walking in Memphis" by whoever that guy is. I'm very thankful that I can't remember his name right now.
hell, the Devil thinks Clay Aiken is the Devil.
ivylander: "The Good, the Bad & the Pan Flute"?
Wahiawa786: There's talent and there's self-indugence, and sometimes the twain shall meet - and sometimes not.
Jonh: It's never safe to mention Yanni!
ongoingly: Poor Linda's got more on her mind, now that the 50th anniversary of "Dallas" is in the offing. (It has been 50 years, hasn't it? It certainly seems like it.)
Anna: Blunt about Blunt? I like it. His voice does creep me out. But he's beautiful, it's true. I saw his face in a crowded place, and I didn't know what to do. So I went up and punched him in the mouth.
msquared64: That brat should give Miley a run for her money in the Hellspawn Sweepstakes.
ivylander: I've tried to forget Ted Nugent, but sickeningly enough, I keep remembering. Where's my bow and arrow when I need it?
emscee: Yes, Bolton makes me wanna bolt - in all senses of the word.
SunshineDaydream says: Axl is vile - and so overrated. And Fergie is overexposed and thinks that she's all that, when, in fact, she's not even a bag of chips. Wait a minute. Did I read that right? "Sunny and Simon sitting in a tree, S.M.I.R.K.I.N.G."
Sam: A Jonas Boys apologist? Shocking. I try to avoid letting someone's personal life influence my opinion of their work/art, so I will not diss Winehouse's recordings, which I think are pretty damned good. But she's is definitely coming off like a pawn of some dark force. Her husband maybe. Or just plain drug addiction. Meanwhile, the Jonas Bros. and Clay can live pristine lives and be solid citizens and charitable souls, and that still won't make me lke their puerile music. Of course, YMMV - and does! ;-)
As regards "Walking in Memphis," direct your curses and voodoo pins at Marc Cohn.
poebegone: Whoever the devil is, I'm sure he's tuning in to "American Idol" every week, and chortling with glee.
Mike: He is not Beelzebub - I wouldn't give him that much credit, but he is definitely a smaller Demon minion, or possibly even a lower level familiar! Thanks by the way, aural cheese-whiz will have me laughing through the weekend!
V
van: You're right. He could simply be a sniveling toady of Old Scratch. As for aural cheez-whiz, I believe that it's a product of the Krafty company, available in the spray can or individually-wrapped slices.
It's Slow Brain Week in Castle Ingham, so it's just occurred to me that if the Devil is Clay Aitkens, what does that mean re "the devil has the best tunes"?
I was so content to not remember Marc Cohn's name. I fear I have much supernatural suggestive power, though, as he was accidentally shot in the head in Denver a while back. I don't wish death on him, just that that song never, ever, ever, ever be played by him or anyone else ever ever ever again.
Now, if my suggestive powers could just manifest in a winning lottery ticket, I'll forgive him that song. :)
"BTW, anyone else think Clay looks like a cross between Howdy Doody and Jenna Elfmann?"
That's going to keep me going for the rest of the day.
Mike, you are having way too much fun with this. Good post!
My pop bain of existance right now is Leona Lewis. Bolton will regain his crown soon, though. Sometimes you want to forget about these people, but here we are.
You actually went through with the post!
My evil: Most bands with a number in their name.
Ex: Avenged Sevenfold, 311, Blink-182 etc.
Jonh: Perhaps the phrase should be, "The devil has the best tunes - to BUTCHER!"
Sam: Speaking of Butchers, sorry, man. I probably shouldn't have mentioned Cohn's name. It might be like in that horror film "Candyman." Just don't repeat it three times.
p-wagz: Thanks! I - and many of my partners-in-thread - aim to amuse as well as inform or vent. Why stop the party? But would that be Bolton's crown - or his horns?
pinkertonwasbetter: I am nothing if not a man of my word. And I'd agree with your selections. The number of the Beast, indeed!
Avril Lavigne.
Bonus points for being married to the dude from Sum 41.
Eech.
nicki: Seconded. Although I think of her as the Devil's skanky handmaiden, and the Sum41 turd as a lesser toady.
And we have Malaysia on our side!
That makes me wanna go out for some rendang or satay as a show of solidarity. And they better stay out of Singapore unless they wanna be on the business end of a cane...