Toxic Tintinnabulation
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Taking a break from the usual Toxic Tuesday castigation of recording "artists" at their worst…
A couple of days ago, I was up for a celebratory feast after finally finishing the first draft of a script for a feature-length animated cartoon. I had labored over it for the past two months, and now, it was in the hands of my writing partner for any necessary editing, polishing, and reworking that might improve the end product. It was time to relax on the town.
One of my colleagues had gathered an eclectic group of folks for some random Saturday night fun, starting with dinner, and I was invited along. The location of the repast was the front patio of a Sunset Strip bistro, and the attendees were not your usual gang of idiots. They included a talented, versatile actress who happens to be the central figure in an iconographic scene that will insure her place in film history; her music-entrepreneur boyfriend; one of North America's most anarchic comedians and provocateurs; a convivial movie producer; a stylish and blithely caustic show-business attorney; and a few other Hollywood notables. Needless to say, a fine time was had by all. Then, we miscalculated.
Sometime after 11 PM, we bailed on the restaurant and headed for one of the current hotspots: a club called H-Wood, adjacent to the Hollywood & Highland shopping and entertainment complex that also houses the Kodak Theater - home to the annual Academy Awards ceremony. Nobody in our group is top-tier Us Magazine/paparazzi fodder, so there wasn't much fuss other than a couple of the comedian's fans giving him a shout-out. After navigating the velvet rope (a competitive spectator sport in these parts), we decided to eschew the dark faux-library setting of the first-floor lounge area and head straight upstairs to the disco.
I'm a firm believer in the rock-and-roll credo, "If it's too loud, you're too old." But this was something else entirely. The place was filled up with the usual young trendoids from the O.C. and the Valley doing their weekend after-dark see-and-be-seen exhibition. That was mildly entertaining in and of itself. But the music played by the D.J. - mostly electronic house beats with soul-diva vocals and the occasional off-putting sample (i.e. the guitar intro to Guns 'n' Roses' "Sweet Child o' Mine") - was agonizingly ear-splitting with a high end so loud and treble-y that I'm sure that dogs in Cucamonga were dancing to it.
I've worked as a club DJ and embraced the power of the higher volumes, but never to the point of pain and distortion. I've been to the loudest of rock shows, but seldom said "I'm outta here" because my ears hurt. At H-Wood, my companions and I - to a person - put our fingers in our ears within seconds of getting near the dance floor, although most in the crowd seemed oblivious to the extreme nature of the amplification.
Moments later, we retreated back down to the lounge, where the man on the turntables was putting out a loud, proud, cool groove that had no relation to the audio torture going on upstairs. And that was fine with us. Still, I was curious. Was everyone's hearing already so blown out that they didn't notice their hearing was getting more blown out? Maybe I should amend my earlier statement. If it's too loud, you ain't necessarily too old.
As we left H-Wood at last call, I reached into my pocket to answer my cell phone. There was no one on the line, but the ringing continued for another few hours. In my ears.
Just to show that I don't harbor too much animosity towards the fool who thought nothing of jacking up the volume to deafening levels at H-Wood, I threw an appropriate early-'70s glam-rock hit by those outlandishly-clad British working-class yobbos Slade onto the MOG Player: "Cum On Feel the Noize." (No, the Quiet Riot version wasn't the original. Yes, they meant to spell it like that.) I also felt compelled to add a video of Slade thwacking out the song for their adoring fans. (And yes, I'd call their garb toxic.)
As much as I like the Slade number (and be advised that I do not think of it as toxic), I'll be happy to never feel the noize again, H-Wood-style.
Comments (28)
I have a special place in my heart for Slade! but those outfits would make even the most glam question their taste in clothes.
How can you dish the dirt and not give names? I am forced to harbor guesses:
Anarchic comedian - David Cross?
Actress - Pheobe Cates? (Last I checked she and Kevin Kline)
why must i guess? why?
Had no idea Quiet Riot's version was a cover. Good to hear Slade's original which I like much better. That polka dot mirror outfit is appropriately toxic in their vid, lol. Sorry to hear about the ear splitting dance floor dj antics-ACK!
c.b.w.: You are sooooo close with the names. Wanted to set the milieu, but didn't want to violate the confidences. I will say that the actress is younger than Cates and the comedian is in the same ballpark as Cross.
August: What's galling to me is the fact that I've DJ'd much of my life and like it loud, and it might seem like I'm being a wuss. I just don't want to damage anyone's hearing or make the experience unpleasant. This guy didn't give a rat's ass.
Mike- (with apologies to Pete Townshend & the Who) 2 not-so-quick ones before I go:
1- re: the ears. Back in high school I saw Ted Nugent with Black Sabbath and Uriah Heep with Kiss on back-to-back weekends. Before that, I saw Rick Derringer at a club (and he held an ear-splitting note for a full 30 seconds).
After each of those shows I heard ringing for many days and, since then, wear ear plugs at every concert (I recommend Mack's, btw). Good thing because I have recently been diagnosed with tinnitus and the doctor said it would have been far worse if I didn't wear earlplugs- so I still have a faint ringing but, with the right vitamins, it is minimal.
Moral of the story: F*ck the 'If it's too loud you're too old'- I still wanna hear when I'm a senior citizen!
2- Re: Slade-
Supposedly they unintentionally gave Cheap Trick their name. Depending on which story you buy on how CT got their name, one was via a Ouija Board. The other was that Tom Petersson and Rick Nielsen were at a Slade concert and one said to the other, "They're using every cheap trick in the book" and the other replied, "Hey, that's a good name for a band."
Choose whichever version appeals to you more. I'm going with the latter version- and I'm stickin' to it.
You have no idea of what loud is until you've seen My Bloody Valentine live. They are so loud they have people handing out earplugs at the door! I've actually seen them twice now, once in SF(which I mogged about) & just last month at Coachella. Pretty mind blowing & ear splitting!
this has to be one of my favorite mash ups you have posted to date. What else you got in that bag o tricks mike
I had no idea this was a cover, either. Neato.
Apparently this works visually as well, because reading this post just made my ears start ringing. Thanks a lot!
Fasted: Uh, what'd you say? (Thanks for the Cheap Trick anecdote. I definitely think of them as part of a continuum that includes Slade.)
August: Uh, what'd you say?
Rawk: Seriously, what'd you say?
ZZTodd: You're welcome?
wow i have never had nusic hurt my ears before
DAT SUCKS!
those cats were REALLY REALLY high back then.
that musta been some good stuff.
i did no know slade originally did this song until a few years after the quiet riot version (which i still prefer!)
RAWK ON quietly good sir
Or rawk on loudly, Pimpster! Just don't let 'em deafen you and lose the music.
Slade rool!
BTW. In this age of stars on Twitter and being anonymous around Mike the Knife, why not enjoy Slade at home?
Jonh: Ha! Friggin' hilarious! But isn't that really like it is? All the bands live in the same council-housing tower block, right? (And you think I should've name-dropped, Ingham? Really?)
Mike, you're far too discrete and enjoy a good tease to name drop. Ever since that time Nicole stroked your leather lapels in the Polo Lounge, the A-List knows their safe around The Knife.
I was trying to be funny, but after correcting about 1600 math problems my joke was lost on me. I tired to make it seem like I thought this was a mash up of Slade and Quiet Riot.......... I thought it was funny at least!
Jonh: They only let me into their personal lives and inner sanctums becuase they know I genuinely don't care and won't "out" them. Except for Nicole.
Rawk: I got it. And I was only trying to be funny with a hard-of-hearing "what'd you say." Ah well. More punch-drunk than punch line...
uhm.......come again?
Gladly!
Vitriol abated, faith restored. Mike, when I saw your "regular" Toxic feature and Slade's "...Noize" in the same batter's box, I was ready to go off. Thankfully, that was not the thrust of the topic. I, too, have somewhat permanent tinitus that I attibute to (mainly) standing about 10 feet from the p.a. at a Deep Purple concert in (I think) '73. It's only real annoying if I try and hear a pin drop.
Good on you, not bein' the name dropper and all. You know, in some circles, Slade's last "big" hit is regarded as pretty toxic.
Yes, Dave Hill's attire IS quite toxic!
scot: Well, I'm glad that was cleared up! No ill will towards Slade's cavalcade of hits. Pure Pop for Then People - and Now People. (Although I'll agree that "Skweeze Me..." is definitely one of their lesser efforts. As for Dave's duds...Yikes!)
Hey, Mike, Queen On The Scene didn't grab you and shelter you guys from the paps? Also, do you know that H-Wood is a favorite hangout for The Hills crew? You may have been in fine company.
I don't do much clubbing, but as far as loud concerts go, the Raspberries concert at the Grove O.C. was sooooooo loud, that I thought I was going to lose my hearing before the first song was done. It was sickeningly painful.
And the lead guitar was soooooo treble-y that I thought I was a goner. I had not brought ear plugs, so I had to run to the restroom and wade up some TP to stuff in my ears.
Luckily that saved the night and I can still hear, but as you said, the phone still seemed to be ringing with no one there for a few days after. Yikes- what are sound guys thinking!!!
Music: No queens around. That would be a few miles away on Santa Monica. And I'd say that the media whores of "The Hills" should consider themselves lucky that they weren't there in my face. Their pain and humiliation would've been realer than reality TV. As for the incompetence of professional sound men and DJs, I'd suggest it's because their own hearing has been trashed from years of high-decibel impact, so they have no idea what they're doing to the rest of us. Or they're just dicks.
Hearing has been trashed or just dicks? Probably some of both. I never thought of that, but I'm sure it's true.
Sadly, yes.
Good luck on the script too. Hope all goes well with the additional drafts and the final product.
Thanks. It's a snake pit down here in H-Wood - the town, not the club. Although the club did have its share of reptilian types...
Once a noise band tried to ruin my ears - a few guys from the US ;). The complete audience left ... . I can somehow understand this attidude with noise - but they should understand as well, that one might one to hear stuff in the forthcoming years.
With a DJ I don't understand that.
Re: the DJ. Clueless - or just plain rude.