Toxic de Mayo: It’s a Headache
-
Artist:
-
Track:
Hola! It may be Cinco de Mayo to you, but it's just another Toxic Tuesday to me. Or perhaps I should call it "Sink-o in Mire," because that's what we are about to do with the gravelly-voiced harpy of the '70s and '80s, Bonnie Tyler.
With three of her heavy-handed, high-profile singles, she managed to give me a headache and an upset stomach. First, speaking of headaches, I heard "It's a Heartache," which was written by country-pop hacks Ronnie Scott & Steve Wolfe and was a Top 10 hit back in 1977. I immediately thought, "Wow! Rod Stewart must've suffered a hernia, yet bravely continued with his singing career, despite a dearth of good material." But no, it was Welsh vocalist Bonnie Tyler - a tonsil-challenged female singer with a node problem, or the screechiest, scratchiest voice in memory. So my second thought was, "Get this girl a cough drop." My third thought: "Turn this the hell off!"
Then, in 1983, Tyler had her greatest chart success, reaching the #1 spot on Billboard magazine's Hot 100 with "Total Eclipse of the Heart," written by bombastic singer Meat Loaf's go-to songwriter Jim Steinman. It's an ooze of corn syrup on a stack of pretension, and she croaks it for all it's worth.
The last of Tyler's terrible trio of tunes would be 1984's "Holding Out for a Hero," another laborious song with Steinman's fingerprints on it since he co-wrote the number for the soundtrack to the teen-skewed, coming-of-age, dance-oriented film "Footloose." "Footloose" is right. I wanted to loosen up my foot and give this track the boot as soon as it assaulted my eardrums.
Anyhow, the moan 'n' groan of "It's a Heartache" haunts the MOG Player on this post. And, in a double dose of toxicity, I've embedded the nauseating smarm that is the original "Total Eclipse of the Heart" video below.
Warning: The Management is not responsible for coronary occlusions incurred by listening to or watching this material.
Comments (26)
And, in another bit of irony, the drummer on this track was none other than Mike Gibbins- the drummer of the great (and tragedy-plagued) band Badfinger.
And this would be his only # 1 hit.
As if that isn't sad enough, the rest of the Badfinger story is far more tragic:
Pete Ham, broke and frustrated by his thieving manager, hanged himself in 1975.
Following a heated argument with fellow band member Joey Molland, Tom Evans hanged himself in 1983.
Mike Gibbins died in his sleep in 2005, at age 56, leaving Molland as the only surviving original member.
Well, you did say this was for "Toxic" Tuesday, right? If that story of Badfinger isn't toxic, I don't know what is.
fasted: Yikes! Talk about a buzz-kill. Then again, as you said, Toxic Tuesday.
"It's an ooze of corn syrup on a stack of pretension, and she croaks it for all it's worth." That's good writing! HA HA!
I think she would've done better screaming in a death metal band. That gutteral clacking called her voice box is downright hazardous. Ugh, she really struggles through those higher, louder notes. Coincidentally, how many packs of cigs did this chick huff in her lifetime?
p-wagz: Thanks for the kind words, and your own pointed insights. ("Gutteral clacking." Hah! I'd call that a fair match for "ooze of corn syrup on a stack of pretension.")
How could you not mention the hair?? A warning sign if ever there was one. Since you're onto the Welsh, I hope you're not planning to hit us with Chris DeBurgh....that would be Toxic Too Far.
Jonh: How can I disdain the Welsh willy-nilly when I so adore the Rose of Multi-Dimensional Cardiff, actress Eve Myles? Gene Loves Jezebel? Tom Jones? Love 'em all.
And yes, hair apparent.
Dave Edmunds? Man? Manic Street Preachers? Gorky's Zygotic Minki? Not to mention of course the lions that were and are Burton and Hopkins.
I wouldn't Welsh on a bet with you, oh mighty expert. Edmunds! Rockport! Yeah, man! But seriously, I'd sleep with Eve Myles. Richard and Tony? Not a chance.
You know Mike....I'll bet you're the kind of guy that finds the milk has soured badly & you ask someone to smell it too. I enjoy reading what you right but I don't think I've ever pushed the button. (on Toxic Tuesdays)
dmdm: Um, thanks? You've just reminded me of Jackie Lomax's Apple label debut "Sour Milk Sea," written and produced by one George Harrison. And on a Toxic Tuesday. Hmmm.
Super Furry Animals also.
And yes, this blows donkey....
all that being said (and, once again, thanks for providing another brilliant spotlight to avoid Mike) who, how and why does this kind of crapo get so popular? was it all just the payola, or is there a more devious factor underlying top-o-the-pops garbage???
Scot, I suspect that this stuff gets popular because people like it. I don't understand why or how. It is why Mrs. Ivylander sometimes accuses me of snobbery. But people's brains work in peculiar ways. There's a very intelligent guy in my office who insists that Billy Joel has never written a bad song. It is only politesse that keeps me from commenting that he is correct - if any Billy Joel songs have ever made the leap from abysmal to merely bad, it has escaped my notice....
Let's compare and contrast.
Y'know, that might be one of his better performances....whatever that means....
man I read what fasted wrote and the post became a buzz kill
ivy: As I (certainly a music snob) often insist, bad taste is timeless and inescapable.
scot: My curse, my gift to you. I have it on good authority that payola still exists, even as the music industry implodes.
MusicRX: I still think that the song is a dog. "Great Rock Classics of Our Time," my ass. And there's something pathetic about an aging, irrelevant Stewart aping someone who sounds like she's aping him.
Rawk: I know. Poor Badfinger. Three awesome tracks, and a few more good'uns - and then, the endless bummer. Copycat suicide? Criminy.
The Management SO IS responsible for coronary occlusions incurred by listening or watching this material.
Why, Scot asks.
I dunno..the safe packaging of the women's movement. A thrush by no means, so a "regular" everywoman expressing her troubles in a danceable(?) rock song. Not some weird looking new waver. Folks like the bombast (safe bombast) and it was on the radio and video..a surefire hit.
Look at the appeal of "just like us" singers on youtube these days and Am. Idol..some things never change for the casual music listener..they take what they are fed, if it fits the parameters of what they can stand.
Anna: Just covering all my bases.
C.B.: Spoon-fed and clueless. (Damn my elitism!)
To some, music is an accessory..to a lot of folks around here, it is a tad more than that.
A hearty "Amen!" to that.
Mike, I too wish Rod had stayed with his Faces sound, and I don't count that as one of rock's greatest.
I put it up there because you said I immediately thought, "Wow! Rod Stewart must've suffered a hernia. I got a laugh out of that and I thought it was funny (or toxic) that he would cover someone that sounded like him with a hernia. And because some may not have heard what he sounds like doing the song.
Hideous! I still hate that Eclipse song. Btw, my laptop went kaput from me spilling water on it Sun. night, so I won't be around much for awhile. I'm on a friends puter now so I have limited access. Hopefully I can get mine fixed.
MusicRX: No harm - no foul. It was a coup to have that Stewart version to stream as well. The proof of the toxic pudding if you will.
August: Sorry to hear about the fried machine. Get back in the groove as soon as you can. We'll try to hold down the fort until then.