Lord Helmet
Lord Helmet
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The Golden Age of Album Covers

Posted over 5 years ago
I was gonna try to add my own captions to these archived specimens of album-art genious, but then just decided to let the pictures speak for themselves, and then let you come up with your own...
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Comments (12)

  1. dangercat
    dangercat says *the lyrics to Zip Zap Rap performed by Devastatin' Dave the Turntable Slave* (it says on the lyrics site that it was written by *Nancy Reagan* but I have no idea if that's true. It's too precious and absurd and wonderful to be true): Rip dibby zap, da zip dap du wap, This is what I call the Zip Zap Rap Hichichichy be back in a sec, Zippy zippa zappa gonna spend your whole cheque, Zip dip zap, a zip wit a wabbit, Zippy dipa wippa got a cocaine habit, Scooby dooby bip a zip bop blam, It started with a quarter now it is a gram, Zoom zoom with a scooby doo bop, Buy yourself into projects you're tryin to cop, Rip and a rap I wrote with a rhyme, I think you better call the cocaine hotline, Zip dippa wip, you call them on the phone, A zippa dippa wip but yo habit aint gone, It's been flip flop days and you haven't ate, I could see it in your face you were losin weight Rip rap rop smoking back to back, Zippa dip wip and you had a heart attack From playin baseball like Willie Mays, Had you in that hospital for thirty days, Flip flop flam but now you're back, A zippa dippa wip in your new Cadillac, Hah, chichicha, like choking on a bone, Zippa rippa rap you gotta leave them drugs alone, KIDS RAP! Don't be a fool, Stay in school! Don't get high and drive a car, You will not get very far Well bap boom bam you'll be up on a pole You got thirty people pushing but it still won't roll And it won't start either 'cause the engine is bent Next month you'll be crying bout the money you spent Kids against drugs now say it! Don't be a dope, Don't smoke that coke! We're talkin' bout cocaine, Its not good for your brain Zoom zoom boom a zip goes your brain, You know its only cause you've been smokin' cocaine Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta talent, Everybody has it so use it gallant...ly Maybe you'll get over you will see, That what I'm saying is really real Like at the swap meet, A serious deal...that could change the course of your life It's a lifetime contract, Read it with caution, Check out the small print, You've got three options The first one is to get your money At the 'spense of someone else's grief And you know that all that means good buddy, Is that you're a thief Second option is a 9 to 5, And 5 to 1 or the 1 to 9, But if you read closely, You'll see you'll be there for a long time The third one is to go for it, And try to get the crop of the cream, When you get tired of drivin', You just hop in your limousine Ha, a roll on Don't be no fool, Drugs ain't cool! For me or you, You know that this is true A rip rap rollin' with the pretty girls, Zip da wip dippy with your fresh new curls, Gooby doop bam a zoom zip wap, Everybody to the beat let me hear a loud clap Zip zap zoom a bop to the beat, All the little frits put the boogie in your feet Kids against drugs let me hear you gettin' down, While the rhythm of the boogie bass rocks the ground (retarded breathing solo) (children screaming for joy) PARTY OVER HERE! DON'T BE NO FOOL! STAY IN SCHOOL! DON'T BE A HYPE! DON'T SMOKE THAT PIPE! DON'T BE NO FOOL! STAY IN SCHOOL! YOU PEOPLE KNOW THE DEAL! COCAINE DOES MAKE YOU KEEL! Hard times, y'all are getting harder, Cash money is the only solution, You gotta get hip to the system trip, Become a soldier in the proper revolution, Do it now baby, 'cause when you drop the bomb, There won't be nowhere for you to run, Try to spend you last cash then you see a big flash and it's 5 4 3 2 1 (fade out to sounds of children screaming)
    Permalink posted 10/16/2006
  2. Lord Helmet
    Lord Helmet says That is the longest rip-off of 'White Lines' that I have ever seen! I love how it ends... "(fade out to sounds of children screaming)"
    Permalink posted 10/16/2006
  3. LostSouthernHeat
    LostSouthernHeat says Album cover "Julies Sixteenth Birthday" she has got a look on her face like she knows what she's gettin.
    Permalink posted 10/16/2006
  4. kaluss
    kaluss says wazzzzup pooh man....
    Permalink posted 10/16/2006
  5. Lester Jonze
    Lester Jonze says I am a handless monkey spanker, yo.
    Permalink posted 10/16/2006
  6. gollygee
    gollygee says Those are awesome. Thanks for the laughs! :)
    Permalink posted 10/16/2006
  7. dangercat
    dangercat says Don't worry Tino. Mama's gonna touch you in the bad place.
    Permalink posted 10/16/2006
  8. chucky
    chucky says I don't know why, but Cody Matherson is calling to me..........
    Permalink posted 10/16/2006
  9. lemontwist
    lemontwist says Oh boy, I need a cold shower now... Actually, no, I just need to gauge my eyeballs out.
    Permalink posted 10/17/2006
  10. dermahrk
    dermahrk says Is there any way that the music could be as bad as those covers? HEY! I LIKE Orleans! Besides, the only uglier naked band picture I've seen is Jules and the Polar Bears "Bad for Business". I will post it when I get home (next week).
    Permalink posted 10/17/2006
  11. Lord Helmet
    Lord Helmet says Choosing my favorite comes down to a coin toss between Cody Matherson "Can I Borrow a Feeling" and Jim Post "I Love my Life". With both, the irony between the cover photo and the album title is just too awesome. ...Okay, I'm giving it up to Jim Post--a man who definitely does NOT look like he loves his life.
    Permalink posted 10/17/2006
  12. d0gstar
    d0gstar says funny thing is - the guy in the middle on the Orleans cover, John Hall, is running for Congress from New York, and he's probably going to win . . . http://www.johnhallforcongress.com/
    Permalink posted 10/17/2006

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