2 songs on constant replay recently

Billy Clyro - Mountains

Colin Hay - Overkill (scrubs acoustic version)

Both songs have lyrics that are relevant to me right now in my life, Mountains has that eternal optimism and hope and confidence, unshakable belief, while Overkill has the flip side of the same coin, doubt, worry, self analysis.

I am this coin of contradiction right now. I have lost everything in my life, my wife, home, job, self identity, the whole lot.

yet while my life is currently a shit-fest of trying to eat enough and somehow pay my bills so i dont get the debt collectors calling I still believe that it will turn around, that it will get better.

The pain and depression and agony is in the unknown quantity of 'when', when the hell is my life going to turn around and start climbing again? How long does this shit-fest have to continue? How much worse does it have to get before i start seeing the light at hte end of the tunnel?

But i know its coming, I know something will come along and turn it around.

So for now I just keep doing the little things to try and fight the boredom and depression, pick up my guitar for half an hour a day and for the first time in almost 25 years of playing actually practice my downpicking so i can master 220 bpm downpicking and finally nail Master Of Puppets.

I go out jogging or go to the gym at least 5 times a week minimum and focus my energies on something positive, getting toned, slim and fit and healthy.

No matter how shit my life is right now, i'm fighting back, even its a little bit.