Joxley's Patented Festival Survival Tips
Just over a week ago I was sat in a bar with some "good friends":http://mog.com/Anna/blog_post/88476#comments expousing (rather slurringly) my top tip for enjoying a large outdoor concert. After some encouragement from Terry Staunton, I thought I should expand my golden rules and share the with you (in easy to remember forms)...1. *Find Yourself a Fatty*No offence to the larger framed MOGgers, but a fat person is one of the best tools in surivivng a mosh-pit. When 30,000 people are pushing around, only the fatties have the inertia to maintain a fully upright position, us thinner fellows must harness their power, by standing close to them, so that no matter how much you are pushed you new found friends resistence keeps you up.2. *Pack Your Pants* We all know that festival food is never very appertising, while the beer is expensive and often quite a hike away from the tent, so it would be advisable to take your own. "But wait!" I hear you cry "They don't let us take our own stuff in!". That is where pant-packing comes in. Simply invest in some baggy jeans and some gaffer tape and securely fasten whatever you want to pack, be it beer, sandwiches or even fudge, to your lower body. Now I don't think any doorman has the power (or the desire) to search down there. If you are a slave to fashion, simply insert the layer of goodies between skinny and baggy jeans, allowing you to discard the passé flares once inside. For real pros, "the beer-belly":http://thebeerbelly.com/ is indespensible.
_Some garments come ready prepared for this task, removing the need for painful taping_3. *Don't be a W@nker, Get an Anchor!*One of the biggest problems people face in large pits is maintaining a good position. Anchoring yourself to the barrier is the easiest way to do this. Get close, stick out a hand and hold on for dear life. Alternatively, invest in a real "anchor.":http://www.boatgeardirect.co.uk/id14.html4.*Bring a Belt*As many a festival goer will tell you, the most likey wardrobe malfunction in a pit is trouser lossage. This embarrasing scenario can be avoided by simply buying a belt. For those of you who wish to be as stylish as me...or at least try to...I recommend "this,":http://www.topman.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=17551&storeId=12555&categoryId=80957&parent_category_rn=39002&productId=227041&langId=-1 only in the yellow and black version. Belts are also useful if fatigue forces you to be lifted out of the pit by those around you.5. *Go With The Flow*A wise man once said Trees that don't bend with the wind, won't last the storm" the same is true for concerts. If you cannot complete rules 1 or 3 then you have to expose yourself to the flow of the crowd. Remember, even when your feet aren't touching the ground the strenght of the crowd will keep you safe. You can try to influence the drection you take, but it's best just to trust fate.6. *Bag Your Body*Everyone knows that the most important thing at a festival is looking good, and so you must take precautions regarding this. When (as often happens) the weather is sub-standard, take the gaffer tape you had for rule 2, and attach bin bags to your legs (ensure you cut holes at the bottom) and another over your torso (with head and arm holes cut in it) this will protect your clothes for as long as it rains, and allow you to shed the dirty bags when the weather clears, without a spot of mud on you.
_The dangers of not bagging_7. *Be Nice*This is perhaps the most important rule of all, nobody wants to be the Concert C#%t, the guy who ruins the show for everyone. So no matter what is going on a round make sure you are curteous to everyone, that way we can all enjoy the festival atmosphere. Generally, for concert wellbeing, obey the golden rule of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. (And no that rule isn't an excuse to sexually harass people...)
_Some garments come ready prepared for this task, removing the need for painful taping_3. *Don't be a W@nker, Get an Anchor!*One of the biggest problems people face in large pits is maintaining a good position. Anchoring yourself to the barrier is the easiest way to do this. Get close, stick out a hand and hold on for dear life. Alternatively, invest in a real "anchor.":http://www.boatgeardirect.co.uk/id14.html4.*Bring a Belt*As many a festival goer will tell you, the most likey wardrobe malfunction in a pit is trouser lossage. This embarrasing scenario can be avoided by simply buying a belt. For those of you who wish to be as stylish as me...or at least try to...I recommend "this,":http://www.topman.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=17551&storeId=12555&categoryId=80957&parent_category_rn=39002&productId=227041&langId=-1 only in the yellow and black version. Belts are also useful if fatigue forces you to be lifted out of the pit by those around you.5. *Go With The Flow*A wise man once said Trees that don't bend with the wind, won't last the storm" the same is true for concerts. If you cannot complete rules 1 or 3 then you have to expose yourself to the flow of the crowd. Remember, even when your feet aren't touching the ground the strenght of the crowd will keep you safe. You can try to influence the drection you take, but it's best just to trust fate.6. *Bag Your Body*Everyone knows that the most important thing at a festival is looking good, and so you must take precautions regarding this. When (as often happens) the weather is sub-standard, take the gaffer tape you had for rule 2, and attach bin bags to your legs (ensure you cut holes at the bottom) and another over your torso (with head and arm holes cut in it) this will protect your clothes for as long as it rains, and allow you to shed the dirty bags when the weather clears, without a spot of mud on you._The dangers of not bagging_7. *Be Nice*This is perhaps the most important rule of all, nobody wants to be the Concert C#%t, the guy who ruins the show for everyone. So no matter what is going on a round make sure you are curteous to everyone, that way we can all enjoy the festival atmosphere. Generally, for concert wellbeing, obey the golden rule of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. (And no that rule isn't an excuse to sexually harass people...)
Comments (23)
you are a veritable lifesaver :)