MOG Wars is fine when an 'Agent' is killed but when the 'Collateral' damage takes the life of a loved one the true colors of this war are all to vivid.
I have honed my killing skills in lesser skirmishes in the past, all theme wars, Punk (which I owned from the get go), Funk (My opening salvo included "The Stalk Walk' and "Don't Chain My Soul"), Punk Peace, and a few lesser battles but signing on to this MOG War might have been a mistake. As first rate assassin I should have been more aware of my surroundings, but I wasn't and a enemy agent took the life of my son Baylor.
Please if your going to read on, steel yourself for the gruesome details. Hopefully by recounting this tale future generations will understand the depravity an enemy will stoop to in order to carry out their mission.
It all started last Thursday. I got a ring at my door, when I answered nobody was there. So I sat down with Bay and we played 'Bowling' on the Wii. Then came the second ring. What I saw sent ice water through my veins.
It was my assassin sending his calling card. 'Rawkkiddoh' was his name. I will never forget that moniker as long as I live, cause it rhymes with 'Hawk Window' a not so famous 'Hobbit Rock' cover band.
Instantly I spring into action. Running on adrenaline and a fair amount of tzatziki sauce I told Bay to get the bomb gear. Being the son of a famous killer, Baylor knew what needed to be done.
He grabbed the 'bomb tongs' and held the menacing package away from his vital organs. We took the case to the cemetery across the street to see if we could disarm it.
Hiding behind a tombstone I told Baylor to "Poke it with a pointy stick"
When that did nothing, Baylor valiantly volunteered to disarm it manually.
And then it happened all of a sudden like ...... BLAMMO!
Warning the next few images are horrific. Those of weak constitution should look away and let someone describe the carnage to you.
That bastard from Minnesota somehow got the bomb to leave his calling call on my dead boys chest. It read;
Rawkkiddoh, Professional MOG Hit Man
"If you are in possession of this card you are dead. It is my calling card, and you should have never played such a big boys game. Hope you lit em when you had em."
Imagine my grief.
The bomb came loaded with two extremely high powered CD's. One (the 'Family CD) was blown into a nearby tree.
And ironically the other, the 'Happy CD' is the one that did my boy in.
Watch your backs folks, these people are sick.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA............wait, I killed your kid? Not as funny, but still there is a smile on my face. You won this time but you just wait, there will be a time and place I come back to get you and then you are all mine
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Coop, you have no idea how much he loves those cd's.
Bay is playing them over and over.
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Awww, poor Baylor. Never fear, there's a special wing of MOG Heaven just for him. The fountains are non-alcoholic and Euclid has agreed to tutor him in geometry. He will grow to a man, waiting for you to join him.
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I mean, doesn't anyone ever think of the children.
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I am glad I could make ya happy............now I do feel it is time for you to die, no more Wii playing for you!
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Bring it!
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I would say I would but Groon cut my mog killing to an abrupt halt
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Freakin Groon. I heard he is on his second hit.
There is always next time.
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The fountains are non-alcoholic.
At least he will have you to keep him company Dale, that's a consolation .
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On his second hit.... doood he must be high
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Way.
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Oh and ... awesome post!
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Groon, how funny would it be if he finished you off.........I know I would be laughing
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Let me just say;
Bay is such a good sport. He really is digging the cd's Coop sent us.
Coop, went above and beyond to hurt me.
We share tastes in tunes, I might even go as far as to say we should never be in the same room with control over the music. Between us we would give you a ska/punk heart attack. He kicks ass, and more importantly he kicked my ass.
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Almost, he almost kicked my ass.
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on my second hit? I resent/resemble/reject any and all implications of that statement depending on whatever belief system/moral code/wishful thinking you ascribe to!!
No, I don't know what I meant, either.
MOG heaven must be getting pretty full. Glad I could do my part to fill it!
Watch out, whoever's next!!
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ahahhahhaa you really have gruesome imagination, Chris :) I'm totally on board with that :)
Excellent post and awesome art from our Kevin!
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So where's that track list? We need it as forensic evidence....
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A CD from Rawk, is well un errr RAWKS..He killed me once and it was top shelf as here.
Nice post Chris and Baylor!
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sorry we lost your Bay sir... You are fortunate to have the death cds from Rawk... sadly - what was meant for you hit your loved one instead... but that's the price you pay when you send your KID to do the dirty work of dismantling the device !!! (AWESOME POST !!!)
So........................... for those of us already dead - when are we starting the next wars ?!? ;)
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Damn fine post. I can almost hear the "Unsolved Mysteries" theme song. I'm gonna update the carnage map when I get through all my emails.
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40 tunes on those cd's Bill. It will take me some time.
Chuck you bastard.
Anna, tell me again why you love me :>)
Cody, You know Bay had fun. And the cd's were like heaven but from HELL!
LGE, Hey I got 2 more kids. What's one to dismantle a time bomb?
Tyler, Baylor should get mentioned in there if possible. He took a hit for the team.
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Map redacted.
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Tyler, we are cracking up over here at Heilman HQ. Baylors chest is puffed out in pride, the pride only innocent victim can display.
One more thing, I was assigned a victim. Which reminds me I should follow up on the where abouts of my 'Fury and hellfire'.
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Now you can tell your kids that adults still play war games. Glad I could help make Mog Wars a family affair.
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It really is a family affair, Alex and Baylor are following along as the flies are dropping.
BTW Bay is really digging your avatar.
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It's funny because I was actually painstakingly drawing one, and scrapped it. Then I googled devil, and got this great Bob Newhart pic (who I just love), and thought, you can't beat this - this is my kind of devil.
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This is hilarious.
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Best. post. EVER.
I bet Baylor had a blast (hee hee, pun intended) helping you with this. My Bella loved taking pictures of her "dead" mom. She told me to keep my eyes open--more realistic she told me. I just want to know when she saw a dead body. heh.
I'll watch over Baylor here in Mog Heaven. What time's his bedtime?
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Oat, kids are great aren't they?
Amber, in MOG heaven I don't think there are bed times. Just make sure he has plenty of ska to listen to and don't let him drink so much choclate milk that he gets sick. In MOG heaven he won't have to worry about his sis taking his Pokemon cards either. I think he will enjoy himself.
I'm coming for ya Bay, don't wait up.
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I'm not much for bedtimes anyways. His ears will be filled with quality tunes as he waits for his dad to join him, don't you worry.
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Brilliant post!
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That's awesome!
Sorry for the loss... :-(
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You guys are BEYOND hilarious!