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Avast Ye Scurvy Dogs, Prepare To Be Boarded .....

Posted over 2 years ago
I thought today would never come. *Today is National Talk Like A Pirate Day.*Coincidently it is also my wife's Birthday (Happy B-day kid)So in the spirit of the day comment with your jokes and favorite pirate-isms and celebrate a hard life on the sea. Pirates are very near and dear to my heart. Having actually sailed on a government vessel that flew the Jolly Roger for 5 days I feel uniquely qualified to lead this charge. Some of my favorite words:Poodle faking = checking out the lassesTo see how the land lies = Looking for promising conditionsOldster = more than 4 years of serviceBlack’s the white of my eye = a plea of innocenceBung up and bilge free = a position for relaxing ie. taking a napTo bring by the lee = to be surprisedEnjoy your day.
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Comments (28)

  1. Lizziegreeneyes
    Lizziegreeneyes says Aye, I guarantee ye, I've had a twenty percent decrease in me "lice ratio!" & have crushed seventeen men's skulls between me thighs!... so ye best be provin to me why yer Roger is so jolly... heh For Lemonwheel (Phish three day festival) our flag was the Jolly Roger... can't tell you what a blessing that flag was to have a'way up high in the air-oh. Drunken & dopey kids were thanking us left & right in the wee hours - they never would have found their tents had we not had the JR flag flyin'... thankfully, I was stone cold sober the entire time & could have found the tent sans flag (shaaa, as if)
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  2. Lamicus
    Lamicus says No post regarding pirate day (which I apparently celebrated last month without telling anyone) or piratey music is complete without a shout out to Captain Dan and His Scurvy Crew. I urge you to seek out 'Flintlock Glock,' or just wait a few days until I'm bored enough to post it myself.
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  3. contrabandwidth
    contrabandwidth says I throw in this very Piratey themed song from Primus "Shake Hands With Beef." You wouldn't know from the vid, but listen to the lyrics you land lubbers!
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  4. annieander
    annieander says My favorite pirate bit 'o trivia...do you know why they wore a eyepatch? It was used to cover over a good eye, to keep that eye sensitive to the dark. So if they moved underdeck quickly, from bright sunlight, they could flip up that patch and have sight in the dark with one eye. Just call me Heloise of the Pirates.
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  5. contrabandwidth
    contrabandwidth says That is an awesome bit of trivia annieander! I never knew that! And I love trivia...
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  6. I am
    I am says Here more pirate speak: To splice the mainbrace = celebrate with some strong drink To scrub round = means to skimp on something A right hard horse = tough guy No room to swing a cat = it means small space (the cat refers to a cat’ o nine tails) I’m drinking with Jimmy Woods = means to drink alone Remember the Birkenhead = it’s a cry of encouragement
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  7. leftoverking
    leftoverking says a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. he sits down, and the barkeep gets him an ale. the barkeep asks, " i have to know, what's with the steering wheel mate?" the pirate returns, "arrrrrrr, it's drivin' me nuts."
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  8. meko
    meko says GOOD ONE LEFT OVER!!!!!!! I am the son of a son of a sailor, MY grand father and my father were both men of the sea, But not ME I am a land lubber.LOL
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  9. I am
    I am says An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me out a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg off". "Blimey!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"? "Ahhhh...", mused the pirate, "We were boardin' a trader ship, pistols blastin' and swords swingin' this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off." "Blimey!" remarked the seaman. "And how came ye by the eye patch?" "A seagull droppin' fell into me eye", answered the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. "Well..." said the pirate; " it was me first day with the hook."
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  10. I am
    I am says A pirate walks into a bar. Sitting himself down, he tells the bartender, "Quick, pour me a drink, before the trouble starts." The bartender pours a drink and watches as the man quickly downs it. Putting the glass on the bar, the pirate says, "Give me another drink before the trouble starts." The bartender pours another glass and the pirate drinks it as quickly as he had the first, before asking for another, again adding, "before the trouble starts." After several rounds of this the bartender says, "Look buddy, you've been in here ten minutes and you keep talking about trouble starting. Just when is this 'trouble' going to start?" The pirate looks at the bartender and says, "The trouble starts just as soon as you find out that I ain't got any money."
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  11. I am
    I am says While not strictly a Pirate joke, These are ways to simulate life at sea. Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbors have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five. Surround yourself with 200 people that you don't really know or like: people who smoke, snore like Mack trucks going uphill, and use foul language like a child uses sugar on cereal. Unplug all radios and TVs to completely cut yourself off from the outside world. Have a neighbor bring you a Time, Newsweek, or Proceedings from five years ago to keep you abreast of current events. Monitor all home appliances hourly, recording all vital information (ie: plugged in, lights come on when doors open, etc) Do not flush the toilet for five days to simulate the smell of 40 people using the same commode. Lock the bathroom twice a day for a four hour period. Work in 19 hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a time, to ensure that your body does not know or even care if it is day or night. Listen to your favorite CD 6 times a day for two weeks, then play music that causes acute nausea until you are glad to get back to your favorite CD. Cut a twin mattress in half and enclose three sides of your bed. Add a roof that prevents you from sitting up (about 10 inches is a good distance) then place it on a platform that is four feet off the floor. Place a small dead animal under the bed to simulate the smell of your bunkmate's socks. Set your alarm to go off at 10 minute intervals for the first hour of sleep to simulate the various times the watchstanders and night crew bump around and wake you up Place your bed on a rocking table to ensure you are tossed around the remaining three hours. Make use of a custom clock that randomly simulates fire alarms, police sirens, helicopter crash alarms, and a new wave rock band. Have week old fruit and vegetables delivered to your garage and wait two weeks before eating them. Prepare all meals blindfolded using all the spices you can grope for, or none at all. Remove the blindfold and eat everything in three minutes. Periodically, shut off all power at the main circuit breaker and run around shouting "fire, fire, fire" and then restore power. At least once a month, force the commode to overflow to simulate a 'black water system' boo boo. Buy a gas mask and smear it with rancid animal fat. Scrub the face shield with steel wool until you can no longer see out of it. Wear this for two hours every fifth day especially when you are in the bathroom. Study the owner's manual for all household appliances. Routinely take an appliance apart and put it back together. Remove all plants, pictures and decorations. Paint everything gray, white, or the shade of hospital smocks. Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls. Ensure one of these two rolls is wet all the time. Smash your forehead or shins with a hammer every two days to simulate collision injuries sustained onboard ship. When making sandwiches, leave the bread out for six days, or until it is hard and stale. Every 10 weeks, simulate a visit to another port. Go directly to the city slums wearing your best clothes. Find the worst looking place, and ask for the most expensive beer that they carry. Drink as many as you can in four hours. Take a cab home taking the longest possible route. Tip the cabby after he charges you double because you dress funny and don't speak right. Use fresh milk for only two days after each port visit. Keep the bedroom thermostat at 2 degrees C and use only a thin blanket for warmth. Ensure that the water heater is connected to a device that provides water at a flow rate that varies from a fast drip to a weak trickle, with the temperature alternating rapidly from 2 to 95 degrees C. Use only spoons which hold a minimum of 1/2 cup at a time. Repaint the interior of your home every month, whether it needs it or not. Every four hours, check the fluid level in your car's radiator. Check the tire pressure and replace air lost from excessive pressure checks. Be sure to place red tag on ignition stating "DANGER: DO NOT OPERATE" while you perform these checks. Inform your neighbor as to the results of these checks, have him tell you to repeat the checks because he did not see you perform them.
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  12. I am
    I am says Okay, okay last one: Why couldn't the pirate go to the movie?
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  13. leftoverking
    leftoverking says i dunno
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  14. contrabandwidth
    contrabandwidth says Because the movie was rated "Arrrrr"!
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  15. leftoverking
    leftoverking says ouch. that's it, i'm enrolling in night school.
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  16. I am
    I am says Do you why it was rated Arrrr?
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  17. JOHHNY DANGER
    JOHHNY DANGER says Arr down the hatch today....
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  18. leftoverking
    leftoverking says do me why?
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  19. I am
    I am says Because of all the BOOTY! Yukyukyuk. I crack myself up.
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  20. Rawkkiddoh
    Rawkkiddoh says Argh.....tis de post Ive been waitin me whole lives for. PLeaze tell me der are other pirates like me out there..............would write more but meez headed to Targh- et
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  21. leftoverking
    leftoverking says lol arrrrshamed to admit i didn't see it coming. back to pirate school with me.
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  22. meko
    meko says you guys must stay up all night thinkin about this stuff!!!!!! LOL LOL LOL
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  23. leftoverking
    leftoverking says rawkkiddo... "meez headed to Targh- et" i am picturing your meez avitar dressed in a pirate costume going to the mall... very good image.
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  24. I am
    I am says meko, we do and we write our ideas on shit tickets while we are in the bathroom. Experts in multitasking. Glad your having fun.
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  25. leftoverking
    leftoverking says arg, "shit tickets". no self respecting pirate uses em.
    Permalink posted 09/19/2007
  26. Lamicus
    Lamicus says Okay. Two pirates are standing on a dock, watching the ships at sea. An unfamiliar vessel comes into view, and one pirate turns to the other and says "Avast, what type of ship be that one?" The other pirate says, "Frigate." The first pirate says, "Aye, who gives a fuck what kind of a boat she is." You're welcome, you scurvy dogs.
    Permalink posted 09/20/2007
  27. dharmachris
    dharmachris says Arghh indeed, I am... When I worked in our middle school I used that joke to explain to the kids why we couldn't watch Pirates of the Caribbean on the bus ride back from Williamsburg. They loved it. Still my fave pirate joke. Sorry I missed Pirate day. Still have my eye patch.
    Permalink posted 09/21/2007
  28. dharmachris
    dharmachris says
    Permalink posted 09/21/2007

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