In "Criminal Records", the Girlfriend and I discuss songs featuring criminal activity. This week: "Robbers" by Cold War Kids, which was suggested by mogger SunshineDaydream.
[While listening to the song…]
Me: Okay, the narrator is robbing from the blind. Then he’s turning around and saying, "It's not easy." He’s looking for our pity. "You know what? This is a hard life."
The GF: Hear the guy out. Give him a chance.
Me: What, so you think it is a hard life, robbing from the blind?
The GF: Yes, because blind people have little bells on all their stuff, so they know it’s the right thing they’re picking up. It's hard work removing all the little bells from the stuff in order to sell it on.
Me: So, the phone will have one type of bell, and the iron will have another? In case the blind people mix them up?
The GF: Yeah. Or their comb and their hair straightener. They’d burn the hands off themselves otherwise.
Me: This is how you think blind people live?
The GF: That’s the way I’d do it if I was blind.
Me: You’ve been blind drunk many times, so you have some sort of experience.
The GF: That’s right. I have some idea how to maneuver my way around the city of Dublin while blind—
Me: To all intents and purposes blind.
The GF: Yes.
Me: The mogger who recommended this song, SunshineDaydream, described it as her favorite song on the album. A song about robbing blind people. What does that say about her?
The GF: It’s a cry for help. "I rob from the blind, too."
Me: She’s coming out as a thief.
The GF: Yes, all her life she’s been thieving from the blind.
Me: Well, I’d say she worked up to it like other crimes. She started with the near-sighted, then moved onto people with cataracts, before going all out on the blind.
The GF: And now she's found a way to express it and admit it in public.
Me: Crying out through Mog.
The GF: Yeah. "My favorite song is about robbing blind people. Hint, hint." I think she should say sorry to all her victims.
Me: That’s all very well, saying sorry, but is it enough? The blind victim might say, "Yeah, thanks and all, but where the fuck’s my hair straightener? Look at my hair! I’m told it looks awful!"
The GF: Yes, give back the shit you’ve robbed from the blind, SunshineDaydream!
Me: Well said. Now, let’s listen to the rest of it.
[Afterwards…]
The GF: The drumming goes on a bit at the end. It sounds like those fucking blue people with their tin cans. I'd rather be deaf than blind if it came to it.
Me: You know, it’s kind of novelistic, this song. When I hear songs like this, I usually think, that’s great detail. With this one, I think, no, that’s too much detail. He seems to know everything there is to know about robbing blind people. That detail of the dirty kitchen sink--
The GF: Blind people won’t see the dirty dishes--
Me: The point I’m making is, the writer put an uncomfortable amount of detail in this song about robbing the blind and I’m worried that if the band doesn’t continue to do well in future, he will go back to what was clearly his former profession. So if there’s any blind people out there having this post read to them, I would say, buy Cold War Kids records, because your hair straightener could depend on it, your TV… no wait, that’s no good to them… your radio could depend on it.
The GF: Can you get a Braille television?
Me: Why not? It’s the 21st Century. So, in the end--
The GF: I think you could learn a lot about robbing the blind from this song.
Me: Criminals of Mog, hope you had your pencils and pads out for this one. But remember… it ain’t easy.
The GF: ...And to remove the bells before selling the stuff on.
...
Note: Suggestions for songs featuring crime would be gratefully received. Thanks.
My Trusted MOGs
Hahahaha!!! Wow. You're some crazy f*!#ing micks! You really took the robbing the blind to heart. The people I rob are just drunk. I love the GF's hair straightner too, tell her thanks for getting so blasted the other night!
And why didn't you tell me you'd put a pic up...? I could've found a bigger one for you!
Promptly returning to giving back the shit I’ve robbed from the blind.
Note: Be careful what you wish for people, you could end up used and abused for entertainment by an unassuming irish couple!
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I certainly hope (for the sake of the computer or person reading this) that blind people aren't reading this! I have a feeling violence would be the only response!
Hysterical as always. When are we getting the podcast of this? You need to talk to Annieander about how to do it right...
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@ Sunny - I was surprised and delighted when your thumbnail avatar turned out to be IMAX size. It's a good shot, though, hey?! Thanks for being a great sport.
But all joking aside, please give back that shit.
@ Tyler - And I wouldn't blame them! Our views are woefully ignorant and insensitive but that's what was on the tape when I played it back so I guess we have to be true to our ignorant and insensitive selves.
If it isn't abundantly obvious already, people, we are the idiots here!
Re a podcast, hmm, we're thinking about it...
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Oh, I'm not offended by anything, I'm just saying you'd be lucky their blind!
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But you're right, violence is justified. Hopefully they'll mix me up with someone else and beat up the wrong person.
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If your taking requests I'd recommend "Road To Peace" by Tom Waits. It's unusual for TW in that it's obviously political, and pretty topical as well. It's off of Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers, and Bastards . Never heard anything like it from him.
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Oh, I have that album. I'll give it a listen, ta.
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great stuff again colin and gf. i was laughing out loud several times.
poor helen, you almost have to feel sorry for someone who robs the blind.
as for requests...i am still hoping for "shoot you down" by the stone roses. :)
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"shoot you down" - that's a crime in America?? I didn't realize... ;)
Ta, Mike, we'll add it to the list.
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great insights into the mysteriously criminal mind of SunshineDaydream! You and Jill have clearly been trained in psychoanalyzing confused minds. I hope you'll start taking requests from all moggers, we can all work together to help them through their sinful ways. bless. :)
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"You and Jill have clearly been trained in psychoanalyzing confused minds." Yes, for some reason we're experts in this field. :)
"I hope you'll start taking requests from all moggers, we can all work together to help them through their sinful ways." Indeed. We'll treat all requesters sensitively and thoughtfully, like we did Sunny.
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"great insights into the mysteriously criminal mind of SunshineDaydream! You and Jill have clearly been trained in psychoanalyzing confused minds."
Brittany!? I beg to differ! : P
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H, the only person who can't see how mad you are is you.
A definite sign of madness, that.
;)
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Well...
Okay, I might be a bit mad, but I'm not confused. There's a difference!
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Mad, confused, lobotomized...it's a short journey from one to the next.
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This is great fun and all (really this is fun!) but let's stay focused on the single shall we!
: P ; )
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I got nothing but laughter for all y"all ;)
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Damn Paddy got all kinds of funny here.
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@ H - In other words, shut the f&^k up, Paddy!
@ Lizzie - Ta, greeneyes. Yep, we're certainly laughable.
@ I am - Funny how? I mean, funny like we're clowns? We amuse you?... ;)
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I wish I had some circus music to play here.
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heheheh... it's never too early for a good laugh :)
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i tried posting a comment on this thread for about 20 minutes last night. mog was being a big fat stinky butt. i was pissed. i forget what i was trying to post, but it was some sort of great insight to the big questions of life.
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Marig, this post inspired a comment on "big questions of life", interesting...? No, no, you just wanted to call Colin a dweeb, remember?
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@ Mike - Yes, Yes it is.
@ H -- Southern manners, my ass!
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colin, you know me too well. you nailed it. that actually was what i was going to type last night. thanks for reminding me.
a F&%ING dweeb with a cute forehead. lol!
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Hahah!
Why is Mike's pic so little?
And stop putting my huge head shot in your post!
......please, thank you kindly Mr. Scuffins. :::curtsies:::
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"Yes, because blind people have little bells on all their stuff, so they know it’s the right thing they’re picking up. It's hard work removing all the little bells from the stuff in order to sell it on." - JUST ABOUT LOST IT. the criminal minded songs is such a good theme! i have to propose Les Savy Fav's 'Adopduction'. it is off Go Forth (2001) Cheers, bell ring
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...damn you sunnyD. why do you keep posting that picture in public. good thing you cropped the bottom off since i only had clothes on from the waist up.
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i forgot to put the caption on the above picture.... "croped for her pleasure"
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ahahhahhahahahahahhahahhaha
Oh the dirt that can come from a simple suggestion...who knew.....
Oh oh me pick meeeeeee! The Afghan Whigs - Going To Town!
You can't say no to me....Dulli (sigh) is half Greek and half Irish!
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@ Madrid - Thanks! We'll add Les Savy Fav to the list.
@ Mike - You're right. It is a cute forehead.
@ Anna - Heh, heh. I'll include a pic of Dulli when we do Going To Town. I bet he has a cute forehead, too.
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hahahahahahahahahahahahah. one of my fave mog peeps just got punk'd by my fave non-mog mog peep (the GF). it's too good. i almost wish this moment to never end. that avatar of Helen kicks ass.
Colin, i learned a hard lesson today - i can no longer read your posts from work. it is impossible to wipe the smirk due to restraining crazy wild laughter off my face. the "little bells" gave me away. everyone now knows i am only pretending to work. gah!
"When I hear songs like this, I usually think, that’s great detail. With this one, I think, no, that’s too much detail." - i read ya!
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Sure...laugh it up Ilay!!! ; ) You're whole being is kick ass you know!
Well...I'm pretty releived this thread has died out.
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Damn it! I used the wrong "your" on a writer's post, while responding to another writer! Eeekkk...
Fuck it. I'm just an artist you know...
; )
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hehehe. Helen, you are the funniest hot chick evah. also, you are the hottest funny chick evah. told ya that avatar is a winner! and don't think this thread has died out, Fluxy could be cross-posting it on his 20 other blogs. yeah, 20! you know these writers, they love to read themselves. ;d
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Oh...shucks Ilay...please stop.
No, YOU ARE. "the funniest hot chick and hottest funny chick evah". : *
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Crime doesn't pay as much as writing about it obviously. Now, I don't know if I should worry about Sunshine robbing from the blind or about Fluxy rhapsodising about her kleptomaniac habits...
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I don't condone thieving from the blind. Okay, maybe a little bit. Welcome back from your summer sojourn, Michael!