When Mom Attacks...Your New Paramore Album!
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Top of the morning to ya, Mog Mates!
In this week's Home Taping my loved ones tear each other apart for your amusement.
In the vid below Jill and her 15 year-old daughter Clara go head to head in a very lively discussion about Paramore's latest album, Brand New Eyes.
At several points it got so "lively" I had to break out the Mosquito(TM) teen repellent. It plays old people's music like Radiohead and the Foo Fighters at a pitch only audible to kids. Drives them absolutely insane. Highly recommended.
Hope you enjoy the vid as much as I enjoyed buzzing away on that button.
Sláinte!
Flux
The vid:
The Script:
For those who are hard of hearing (the Irish).
Title Card: Home Taping with Jill and Clara
Clara (off screen): Told you I should have done it on my own.
Jill (o/s): You'll be grounded!
Colin (o/s): You's need to get closer.
On screen Jill and Clara shuffle closer in front of the webcam.
Jill: I'll be on her lip now in a second.
Colin(o/s): Right, so there you go.
Their miniature Jack Russell, Tiny, pops up into frame between them.
Title Card and music: Ignorance
Jill gently moshes along to the song.
Jill (re moshing): What'cha think of that?
Clara: Loving it!
Cut to:
Jill: What is it about? What is the song about?
Clara: It's about... she was just... I can't even explain what it's about--
Jill: Do you know what it's about? It's about a young wan (girl) who's Ma said, "Now, if you're going to go out with any fellas, and if you sleep with anybody... I'll break your legs!"
Clara: I've heard this lecture before!
Cut to:
Clara: Out of the whole album of, what, eleven songs, this was my least favorite.
Jill: I heard it on MTV and I thought it was nice. I think she has a lovely color hair, but--
Clara: But I'm not allowed dye my hair that color?
Jill: No.
Clara: OK.
Cut to:
The pair wrestle for control of the mouse to choose the next song.
Jill: Can we go on to--
Clara: Excuse me--
Jill: I'm doing it!
Title Card and music: The Only Exception
Jill listens intently to the song.
Jill: A bit country western, isn't it?
Clara shakes her head.
Jill: Taylor Swift?
Clara shoots her a horrified look.
Jill: And she could be a young girl with a little ball gown on her, and she could be at her prom, dancing around on the stage, and that would be just....fantastic, wouldn't it?
Clara stares at her in disgust for a long beat.
Cut to:
Jill: How long did you listen to that album for?
Clara: I listened to it for a week and two days.
Jill: When did you listen to it? I didn't hear you listening to it. When did you listen to it?!
Clara: I listened to it during school.
Jill: Like, at free time in school?
Clara: I listened to it during Italian, during Maths, through double Art...
Cut to:
Clara (doing an emo impression): It's like she's reading my soul!... No, she's not really reading my soul.
Title card and music: Playing God
They shuffle along in time to the music. Jill lifts Tiny the dog into frame.
Jill: Does she want to dance?
Clara sings along.
Jill: I like that one.
Clara: Yeah.
Tiny (grunts): Hmm.
Jill: Yeah! Hmm. She says, Hmm!
Clara: Hmm!
Cut to:
Jill: I only heard one word and the word was... mirror. So is she looking in the mirror?
Clara: Are you going deaf?
Jill: Probably.
Clara: This morning [you] couldn't hear that sound...
Jill (to camera): This morning....we has some friends of ours staying in our home and one of them had this little device that only animals and young children under the age of, probably, fifteen or sixteen can hear. It's a high-pitched tone, so our friend pressed it on and I thought it was broken 'cause I couldn't hear nothin' and nobody else could hear anything. So I took it up the stairs and took it into Clara's bedroom and played it, and instantly she was like this (feverishly looking around) going, "What's that noise?! I can hear that! I can hear that! .... We could use it more often... to call her for the dinner, to get her out of bed, to get her off the computer. All of those things. I think it's a genius advice.
Clara looks suitably unimpressed.
Title card and music: All I Wanted
Clara makes a heavy metal sign.
Cut to:
Jill and Clara stick out there tongues and make heavy metal signs with both hands.
Jill: Come onnnnnn!
Clara: Yeaaah!
Cut to:
Jill: All I wanted, really, was for her to shut up.
Title Card: © Crooked Tooth Productions 2009
Colin (o/s): Do you worry about your children listening to Paramore?
Jill (o/s): No. I don't. Can I go now?
Cut to:
Clara in front of camera with Tiny.
Clara (grimaces): My fringe is on the wrong side today.
...
Click this link for more on the Jill-approved "genius" teen repellent.
Comments (28)
Teen abuse..I like it!
I was just over on yoru page listening to Chicago's finest. You're going to get my comment in stereo.. "Funking brilliant."
The look after the Taylor Swift comment is brilliant. Only a 16year old could look simultaneously horrified and condescending.
Probably 'cos they practice it a lot.
Cheers to Jill for making it that long through the Paramore album, so we don't have to. But invoking Taylor Swift ... Jill probably had that look coming. That's just provocation.
Jill just about made it through, very gumpy by the end. Are Paramore the adult version of teen repellent? Maybe so.
genius.
I saw Paramore several years ago in a tiny Tacoma venue, opening for a local Seattle band, The Lashes. Who, you ask? Exactly. Paramore jumped right over them with the Warp Tour boost. They were loud loud loud and you could tell they were going somewhere.
Would Clara give me one of "those" looks if I told her my "when I was young I saw Paramore" story? I hope so. :)
Ha ha, I loved the Taylor Swift dig. That album sounds mighty mild-mannered to me. I think young folks should listen to much brattier music like Be Your Own Pet and Mindless Self Indulgence. Get it out of their systems.
I like your thinking, Dar: when the music is bratty, the kidz ain't. And when the music ain't bratty we have kidz such as the above. Hurry up, please, the new Sex Pistols.
Also congrats on your marriage, many happy returns!
I got a huge kick out of this! Great work all around.
On behalf of the ladies, I thank you, Spike. We had great fun making it. Well, they did. I just stood in front, laughing.
I just sent this to my 15 year old daughter for her amusement.
I see Clare gets her good looks from both parents. I love the playful interaction. Even when your parents say something lame, they still deserve your love.
"Even when your parents say something lame, they still deserve your love." I'm going to get that made into a sign, Spike! And thanks for sending it on to your daughter. Much appreciated.
Will anyone defend Paramore and their horrified-looking fans?!
I hear JLS have a new album coming out; maybe you should let the dog review that one....
Priceless.
I actually have a few Paramore tracks in my library. They are kind of Power-Pop-Metal. If you think Clara would be hip to something more on the metal side, she might like Lacona Coil... or not.
I already know that look from my son who is 11. most fun post i've seen in awhlile
Yes, those looks. Only teenagers can muster those. Why does it seem like there's more "kids music" nowadays? It seems like when I was a kid [he said shaking his cane] we wanted to listen to the music kids in College were listening too. Now it seems so targeted. Le sigh. Great idea though, the mom/daughter album review. Oh if she only knew how much her mom knew! Someday she'll realize her mom was actually pretty hip, but until then, it will be the mog-o-sphere's little secret.
@ Neill - ha ha! Her review would be rivetting. "Hmm. Hmm."
@ dc - Thanks for the suggestion, she does like metal, goes to a lot of metal gigs. I don't understand metal at all, could be a good one for a review. Hmm. (That's me forming a plan, not the Tiny grunting.)
@ cpeter -Thanks very much! Get your nipper on here, we need more kidz in mog, slagging off our music and giving us horrified looks!
@ tyler - Allow me to shake my cane in unison. "Pesky kidz, they ruin everythin'!" Jill didn't do herself any favors in the hip stakes by suddenly turning into a 1950s mom, talking about prom dresses and going to dances. How many personalities has this woman got?!
1. I heard that teen repellent sound, and it's bloody awful, eye-piercing. I don't know why it works on me. Please don't respond.
2. Do you know how hard it is to ensure that your fringe is on the right side???? I feel for you, Clara.
3. Jill is a brave woman listening through this.
1. I'd like to know who used it on you. Alex Turner's bodyguards?
2. I'll have you know I spent what must amount to years lacquering a Hitleresque side split flat onto my head. Such a waste of a young life. Shave your heads, girls. It feels wonderful.
3. Next, Jill's fave. Heavy metal.
Will Jill now be matched up with each of her family members in a head-to-head battle? What's her cousin think of the new John Mayer? Har, har! Whatever's next up, you know I'm looking forward to it!
Good idea, Britt! Strangly I came across John Mayer yesterday for the first time. Thought he was a comedian!
Fluxy, Mayer IS a comedian, just listen to his music! HA!
Once again, you've outdone yourself. Great, hilarious review by your loved ones. And I swear, that dog has insight far & above Clara's, hehe.
Thanks, A1 - I've never seen a singer do a sketch like that, and I think he has several. Is this how artists are trying to reach audiences now? What next: Don Rickles doing a rap video?
I think there's been plenty of musicians over the years willing to be comedians especially since the music biz, fame & celebrity can be oh so ludicrous. Weird Al Yankovicz is an example. Of course, there's this which is akin to Rickles' rapping:
Your reviews are the best! Dug it so much.
Love that you've got the whole family involved.