Julian Casablancas vs Ian Brown
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Póg mo thóin, MOG!
(Translation from Gaelic: Good morning, MOG!)
As a great philospher once said, "Gee, it's great to be back home, home is where I wanna beeeeeeee". And you know what? On this day, our return to MOG, I couldn't agree more with the young Paul Simon.
It's been a long hard summer of stomach operations and screenplay writing (often at the same time); falling about drunk at after parties and funeral services; and, of course, attending some amazingly fantastic gigs and some bloody awful puke-inducing ones, too. Hooray!
In the comeback webisode of Home Taping, we "review" the solo albums of Julian Casablancas and Ian Brown who -- as one or two Moggers might know -- made their names as the charasmatic lead singers of super groups The Strokes and The Stone Roses, respectively.
Who will win the battle of the band leaders? Who gives a shit? The tension is unbearable!
Yours in sport,
Colin & Jill
A Bickering Couple Who Review Albums For MOG Rather Than Going To Therapy
Transcript
For those of you who find our Irish brogue too seductive, poetic and beautiful to be understandable, we have provided a transcript below. It will also help the MOG legal department prepare for the inevitable slander trial to follow. (Sorry, Rihannna.)
Title Card - Home Taping with Jill & Colin
FX: Jill and Colin arguing off screen.
C: Are you working with me, or what?
J: Yeah, sorry, I am.
C: I'm gonna start one more time.
J: Fuck's sake.
Colin is decked out from head to toe in Adidas clothing, a la Ian Brown. Jill wears a Star Wars T-shirt
C: Where's your Adidas gear?
J: I don't have any.
C pulls face.
Title Card: Ian Brown - My Way
FX: Own Brain.
J & C dance energetically in their seats.
J: Oh, I love this bit!
Title Card: Own Brain
J & C chatting
C: Ian has come back with an absolutely amazing album, hasn't he?
J (whistles): Amazing!
Dissolve to C in mid anecdote...
C: His daughter was playing Rihannna in the house and he rightly came up to the room and said, 'Could you please turn that off, it's rubbish.'
J: I don't like her voice.
C: Yeah, that's what he said... And she said, 'If you're so good, Ian -- or, Daddy -- why don't you make a song for her that you think would be better.' So he did, he wrote song which he thought would be better for her, sent it off to the record company... and it was rejected.
Title Card: Stellify.
J sings along in the voice of Rihanna.
J: I'll Stellify-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
They laugh.
C: OK, that's how it would have worked. Surprisingly, she turned that down... the opportunity to sing an Ian Brown song.
J: Yeah.
C: Which John Squire has turned down as well, for the last twenty years.
J snorts into her drink.
Title Card: So High
C: Apparently John wants to get back and to a Roses reunion tour. And Ian has strongly told him...to fuck off.
J: He doesn't need him.
C: He doesn't want to do it. NO. So he's written a couple of songs having a go at John on this album.
J: Which ones are they?
C: 'John, You Bastard.' Number 8. And 'Up Yours, John.'
J (laughs): Which is number 5.
Title Card: Marathon Man
FX: Marathon Man
J & C shuffle in their seats to the beat.
J: Is Ian from Manchester or is he from Liverpool?
C: Is Ian from Manchester or is he from Liverpool? (C drops head in exasperation.)
J: And what is the different in the accents--
C: There's a million Stone Roses fans, crying into their fucking Adidas--
J: I know there's a difference in the accent. Do it!
C (in thick Manc accent): Manchester!
J: And what's Liverpool?
C (sings in thick Scouse accent): 'Ferry, across the Mersey!'
J laughs.
C: Both idiotic. But different.
Title Card: Just Like You
C: This is a man who was sent to prison for an awful, awful crime... He got pissed up on a plane.
J: What did he do?
C: What did he do? He wrote four albums about it. Now, he's coming out of that period, right? And he's making happy songs.
J: Is it 'cause he has kids?
C: Kids would depress you. No, he's looked past that. He's said, 'I've got kids, I'll forget about that, and I'll make some happy music.'
FX: Just Like You.
J dances in her seat.
J: I could put me jazz shoes on!
Scrolling Block: So...What does Jill's daughter think?
J: Her and her mates think it is electric.
C: A bunch of fifteen year olds like it?
J: She said to me, "I thought a granddad like that wouldn't be able to come back
with a great album."
C: Now that this crowd, a bunch of emos, like it, I'm a bit worried.
J: She's not an emo, she's a 'scene' head.
C: A scene head? What's the difference?
J: They like Paramore and they like...
(long pause) Paramore.
They laugh.
Scrolling Block: So... what does the future hold for Ian Brown?
C: Ian's got this persona on all his records where he's like a preacher, preaching to people... preaching to the fucking converted, 'cause it's only Roses [fans] buying the albums. But maybe he'll get a new audience with this--
J: Do you think that's what he might go into eventually?
C: What?
J: Like, the priesthood?
C: The priesthood?
J: Yeah, 'cause over in England, you can be married and have children. The only thing about it is I don't think their mass's have-- Oh, they do-- My nanny was a Protestant.
C: Oh, I didn't know that. Seeya now.
C gets up and exits. J laughs.
Title Card: Julian Casablancas - Phrazes For The Young
FX: 11th Dimension
J dances energically in her seat. C just stares.
J: It's kind of, like, from the era of Fame. Only better.
C: That wouldn't be difficult though, would it?
J: When I got out of the car, I had it on, and I wanted to just jump with leg warmers.
C: I didn't have a single thought to do with leg warmers.
J: That's the difference between me and you. (Indicates her clothes) Fashionista. (Indicates C's clothes) 'Excuse yourself'.
C (laughs): And 'excuse yourself'.
Title Card: Out of the Blue.
Fx: Out of the Blue
C rubs his face, J smiles happily.
J: [There was] another song, which I can't remember, which was kind of slow, and I went, 'Hmmm, that would grow on me', but--
C: It wouldn't grow on you enough to actually remember the name of it?
(J laughs)
C: You're getting ahead of yourself now.
J: Am I?
C: Let's do one song at a time.
J: I thought we were only going to do two, because there was only one song on the album that was actually good.
C laughs.
Scrolling Block: So... who wants to hear a longwinded Casablancas anecdote?
C: Me and Richard hid in the toilets, right? So we could get to see the electro band afterwards, who we liked. OK?
J: For free?
C: For free. But Casablancas came out of the dressing room--
J: Into the toilets?
C: No, not into the toilets, it's not one of those stories, OK? He came out of he dressing room into the crowd, just to walk around, look out the window...
J: And did anybody know him?
C: ...In other words, to be noticed. Nobody recognized him because they were the electro crowd.
J: Aaaah.
C: So, he's walking around from window to window, looking out windows... and there's only alleys...
J: I wasn't there.
C: You weren't there. Thank God... So, me and Richard were there and we said, will we actually tell him, will we tip him off? And we said, No, we won't.
Title Card: The Verdict
J: I like him, I catually really fancy him, I think he's amazing looking, but I was a bit disappointed.
C: Amazing looking doesn't sell albums. Or does it?
J: Yeah, it does.
C: True.
J: In a magazine they said it was CD of the week! Were they giving it away for free?!
They both laugh.
Title Card: (c) Crooked Tooth Productions 2009
The pair talk off screen.
C: I thought you were gonna like the album.
J: So did I.
C: So did Julian.
Comments (27)
Outstanding..It's like the return of Martin & Lewis after seven long years apart. I predict both these records will be forgotten soon, except for this post which will be enshrined in pantheons that haven't even been invented yet. Glad you are back in the building.
Cody, you sweet talking sob, thank you very much for the kind comments, which I didn't solicite in any way (you forgot the words "nice hat, too"!) It's great to be back in the building!
This is the best reunion of the decade. Eat your dust, Pavement.
I'm torn between the nightmares I'll get with the image of Ian Brown as a priest and the ecstatic revelation that me and Jill dance to the 11th Dimension in the exact same way
Merci beaucoup, as you guys say in the North of England.
"me and Jill dance to the 11th Dimension in the exact same way"
Dear oh dear. I wonder if Ian would be up to performing an exorcism.
You're just jealous 'cause you can't pull off leg warmers.
I'd respond to the actual reviews but I'm bewitched by the Irish brogues. Let me get my head straight, I'll be back.
I picked up on your Adidas gear right off. Hilarious. No excuse for Jill not being dressed for the occasion though. A woman that does not dress for the occasion defies all womanly logic. ...if I understand womanly logic correctly.
@ Anna - I don't have to. My look is strictly "Excuse yourself".
@ Dale - Begorrah and bejaysus, what oirish accents are ye talkin' bout at all?
@ Mike - "I picked up on your Adidas gear right off" As a true Stone Roses fan would. Jill let the side down, for sure. I think you understand womanly logic just as good as any man.
I just passed Ian Brown on Wardour St. He looked glum. I think it was because I didn't ask him what the future held for him.
Very few people do, Jonh. I think it's a great pity. Never the less, thanks for watching and for bringing us news of King Monkey's big day out in Lahndan town.
All part of the service, Colin. Good to see you and your better reviewer back with us.
Thanks very much, I'll pass on your good wishes to Jill. She's very shy about speaking her mind to camera, so any little boost to her confidence goes a long way.
. Aye, you guys are back with hilarious vengence...
"There's a million Stone Roses fans, crying into their fucking Adidas"
everyone's sporting "excuse yourself" round these parts.
The entertainment value/dollar is really escalating lately. hope the medical leave is over, 'cause it's great to see you two back!
@ MSS - Ta! I was only half joking, mind. You would not believe the amount of Stone Roses and Ian Brown obsessives in my city. (Of which I'm one of course.)
@ Scott - I think I'll come live with you, so! And yep, medical leave is all done and dusted, thanks. Tip: If you ever have a mystery illness, check yourself into a student hospital, 'cos all the profs and surgeons don't want to lose face in front of their underlings and won't let you out til it's sorted!
So...
What's Jill's reaction to all the generous comments?
"Let the side down? You and Mike can ask me feckin' arse! I wouldn't be caught dead in head to toe Adidas!" -- Jill via IM.
Another genius review. Accent impressions, wardrobe changes, and 'celebrity' sightings? You really went all out with this one.
Ah, it's good to see you back in these here parts, Mr. Capacitor. You (and Jill!) have been missed.
Please keep this show on the air!
who has to greenlight this thing? you, right? here's my review of your review:
i was gonna say "get your megasponsors Adidas to put up subtitles" but besides loving the brogue, describing your own actions in the transcript is brilliant so just try for a pair of shoes and keep 'em coming!
Yes, totally enjoyed this review, although I felt like I was on the outside of an inside joke a few times.
I watched sans the script to see if I could discern most of your commentary without it. think I did, but I'll go back and read the transcript, now that I know both your personalities. You guys are a crack up! Keep these coming...
the always enjoyable colin and jill! you're playing dress up now too? i can't wait for your 50 Cent review.
I'm sure it will be worth more than that, Britt. LOL
I'll friend anyone who is a proper football fan.
I have more trouble figuring out what's going on the "Masterpiece Mystery!" detective series than this video clip. But then, time spent in "Ballylkissangel," Great Big Sea, Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly and "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" makes Irish English easy on the ear.
@ DC - Great to hear from you! There was also footage of me parading around in Adidas shoes, tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt, but it appalled Jill too much -- I'm going to save it for the DVD extras.
@ Jules - It's good to be back, Jules. You're looking a little blue, but I hoped we cheered you up. Look forward to seeing you around!
@ Robin - Ta! Here's my review of your review of our review: Adidas, are you listening to Robin?
@ MRX - Thanks, yep, there's a few inside jokes for morbidly obsessed Roses fans, all right.
@ Britt - Bah, MRX stole my reply! I wouldn't rule it out. We did a review of his single with The Game a while back, hate it or love it. I loved it, Jill hated it.
@ Ghost - I like your friend policy. I think I pass the test as a Shamrock Rovers season ticket holder. Who the hell are they? The greatest footbll club in the Emerald Isle, of course! With fans who stick Ian Brown's lyrics on their flags:
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2422/3967886809_e167b965f1.jpg
@ Aiea - Wow, I'm impressed. You are up to speed on all the modern Irish classics. Thanks very much for "listening"!
Hi you two, I didn't know you had a scenester kid at home; I has a goth one (Rasputina, anyone?)
Hey Dar, my sincere condoloences to you. Perhaps we can start some kind of online therapy group for parents of music obsessed teens who dress up weird. Our little tike has promised to make an appearance on MOG to review her beloved Paramore. We will withhold money for phone credit until she does so. Tough love is the only way!
J: And did anybody know him?
C: ...In other words, to be noticed. Nobody recognized him because they were the electro crowd.
wait, that writing smells like... well, there you are, fluxy! sheesh, welcome back. what a reentrance, as dramatic as your all-Adidas outfit. ;p
ps- a scenehead! so that's what my 12 y.o. nephew is...