I taped infamous MOG outsider The Girlfriend as she discussed the best and the worst (mostly the worst) albums of the past month or so.Note to my Australian Trusteds: You get it in the neck for no good reason. Sorry. Feel free to use the comments to take down the Irish.It won't be hard.Excuses made, let us begin...*Magnetic Fields - Distortion*Fluxy: Well?The Girlfriend: A very morbid voice. But I'm sure there's market for that among some people.F: What type of people? The GF: Australians. F: But...Australians are happy go lucky, aren’t they?The GF: No, they’re not. What's that guy's name? Nick Cage?F: Nick Cave?The GF: Yeah, Nick Cave. People who like his morbid singing will like this morbid singing. F: What about the music?The GF: It’s like the Mama and the Papas, except it’s very depressing. Look, the best songs in life make you feel something instantly. With others you have to stretch to feel an emotion while listening to it.F: How far do you have to stretch to feel an emotion with Magnetic Fields?The GF: The moon. F: I see.The GF: Music can transport you somewhere else. I don't want to be transported into the graveyard. F: What would you say if I told you that the singer [Stephin Merrit] is considered quite the wit?The GF: The what?F: The wit.The GF: I thought you said the twit. *Muscles – Guns, Babes, Lemonade*F: This guy is said to be the new Mike Skinner [of The Streets]. What do you think? The GF: It’s like a jumble sale. A load of old shite cobbled together and sold back to you. I've heard all those sounds, those little snippets of songs before, only in…proper songs. They've just mashed them all together here. It's a real Mickey Mouse album.F: So you don’t like Muscles, then.The GF: Is that his name?! Muscles?! Is he a bouncer or something?F: He could be.The GF: Well, if that's the type of music he's making, it must be because he’s only hearing little bits of songs every time the club door swings open.F: He's Australian, too.The GF: There ya go!*Yeasayer - All Hours Cymbals*The GF: Where are that band from?F: Brooklyn, New York.The GF: Oh, I thought they were from Australia. F: What does an Australian band sound like?The GF: Like Midnight Oil. Tuneless. I've never heard a good Australian band except for Crowded House. F: Forget about Australians for a minute. What do you think of this band?The GF: I couldn't hear what he was saying. It could have been political, about like Rwanda or China or something. In fact, I could see a politician waving to his supporters during this music. Politicians always pick shit songs, though, don't they? It's just... bombastic. It's television program music. It’s Miami Vice music. Pamela Anderson running down the beach trying to save somebody music. Sucky music. F: [My friend] Richie wanted to go to England to see this band for his birthday.The GF: He’ll be going on his own! F: They’re playing here in May, though. So we’re going to that instead.The GF: Your funeral!F: Anything else to say? About the music, that is?The GF: It’s an album of hippy clichés. ‘Let's get back to the earth, let's use aboriginal music, let's find dwarfs and put them in.’ F: Aboriginal? There’s an Australian theme developing here…The GF: I like Australian people, it's just most of their music is… boring. F: But Yeasayer are not even Australian! They’re from Brooklyn in New York!!The GF: I know, but they're singing like Australians! I bet they visited Australia for a while!!F: Let’s move on! What about this [next] song?The GF: Ugh. They're so straight. So consumed in their own hippyness, no true emotions coming out, fabricated, false smiles, ‘we're all perfect and normal and everyone lese is the problem’ Happy go lucky music , ‘we are the world, we are the children!’F: You’re going off on a mad one now. The GF: Well, when are we reviewing the good stuff? This is 80s crap. Like something off the soundtrack for Lost Boys.F: Jesus. Listen to the content. In [the song] 2080, the singer has problems with the world...The GF: What about the problems with himself? Look at your-fucking-self first, mate! You're probably the problem!*Cat Power - Jukebox*F: Okay, I love this album. I think it's phenomenal. I know you don't like it...The GF: No, her voice is getting better each time I hear it. F: Her voice? Or your ears?The GF: Her voice. F: But it’s the same voice. The GF: Look, I admit, okay -- I thought she was just making a fucking fool of herself!F: What do you mean?The GF: She was going on and on about her drink problem in interviews, right? I thought, this woman with the drink problem is going to make a loopy fool out of herself with an album of covers.F: Why?!The GF: Because it’s like, ‘oooh I have a drink problem, I can sing anything I want and get away with it. If I make a fool of myself, sure I was a drunkard anyway.’ F: Fucking hell.The GF: Seriously! People use their illnesses as crutches. Pete Doherty can say, 'I was off me head on heroin when I sang that shit song!' But no, Cat proved me wrong. She won't have to say that.*Juno Soundtrack*The GF (sings along to Antsy Pants): ‘I am a vampire, I am a vampire!’F: So you like this album?The GF: Great film, great album.*Mgmt – Oracular Spectacular*F: I was slagging this album off recently. But you think it’s good…The GF: It’s the opposite to Cat Power. It’s actually got worse the more I heard it. It’s just another 60s pastiche album. I give it 4 our of ten.F: Why 4?The GF: I like track 4.*Adele – 19*The GF: I love her voice. Even though it hasn't been trained. But only 3 songs are good. You can tell she's into Ella, Nina, Billie Holiday, but even though their voices are fantastic voices, they also sang beautiful songs. A good singer thinks they can put across any song, but they can’t. They need good writers to make the best of themselves. Or to write themselves. She needs good songs. She wrote this album. That’s the problem. It’s good for a 19 year-old, though.F: Do you feel guilty for wasting 11 of my emusic credits on this album?The GF: No, I don't! I was disappointed in the album, yeah. But I still listen to the good tracks. In my car. I sing along to them in traffic.F: What about other drivers looking at you?The GF: Oh, I don't give a shit. I'm used to it. Better me singing than some bloke picking his nose. ...Is The Girlfriend right? Or a wrong 'un?In the comments, listen to tracks from Muscles, Magnetic Fields, and Yeasayer.
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