I blame the English
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!http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2348/1873774565_25c9630508.jpg?v=0!Why, Roisin Murphy, why? You could have married a nice young Irishman with a steady job, settled down in a lovely crannog in the swamps of Wicklow, and raised the regulation number of Roman Catholic children (fourteen). If you wanted to sing, you could have done so in the church choir every Sunday, with your husband's permission of course, before going straight home to put the dinner on for your in-laws. Or just become a nun.!http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2315/1874650326_cfa6715e20.jpg?v=0!_If only_But, no. Instead of doing it the right way, the Irish way, the _Catholic_ way, you refused to return home to God's Country with your parents at age 16. You stayed under the malevolent influence of the Devil English in Sheffield, a godforsaken hellhole if ever there was one, and dedicated yourself to becoming a madwoman. !http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2006/1873869895_1573a5923f.jpg?v=0!_A madwoman_That's right, Roisin Murphy, bad news travels fast. Horrendous news four and a half times faster. We know all about your borderline blasphemy in foreign fields.We were first scandalized by the abomination against the Lord that was dance-pop duo Moloko. What did you hope to achieve with your live-in-sin lover and producer Mark Brydon, eh? A rise to prominence amongst heathens of all stripes with a slinky funk-house single called _Sing It Back_? If so, congratulations, woman: you're going to Hell when you die. Or even before so. For the filthy dancing in its promotional video is nothing short of _Jezebellic_. That's not an accusation I throw around lightly, Roisin Murphy. So, to be sure, I watched it on YouTube four hundred and twenty eight times. !http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2200/1874011383_e0320f1046.jpg?v=0!_Jezebellic dancing_Likewise, your first solo album Ruby Blue caused much wailing and gnashing off teeth on your home soil. A combination of sinful 20s jazz and shameful 80s synths that could only be conjured by Beelzebub himself. (Although the credits said Mathew Herbert. Hmm, I wonder.) As if your boots weren’t big enough, your major label debut _Overpowered_ has just been released to universal acclaim from Godless gobshites the world over. God forgive me, but you make me curse, Roisin Murphy! For this one, you really outdid yourself. Throwing yourself at a huge range of electro-pop producers, from New York, London, and Miami, I ask you. Musical whoring of the highest order! In fact, how a faithless hussy and her cohorts could possibly be responsible for such a joyous, soulful record, I’ll never know. Did you write the songs yourselves, or did you have help from an honest to goodness Christian musician in creating that truly maverick sound? Hmm, I wonder. I suppose that would be something to confess to your parish priest -- if you had one! Anyway, that song to your Daddy _Scarlet Ribbon_ had the whole household in tears, you heartless wench. I had the toes nearly tapped off me listening to straight-up disco stompers _Let Me Know_ and _Tell Everyone_. And sure, I almost put my back out jack-jack-jacking my body to angular art house tunes _Dear Miami_ and _Cry Baby_. The Lord have mercy on your soul.And now, like Cromwell of old, the British fashionistas are trying to claim a piece of Ireland as their own. They’re calling you the British Bjork and English Madonna (even though Madonna is already the English Madonna, although not a patch on the _real_ Madonna -- Jesus's Ma). Well, you know what I say to that, don’t you, Roisin Murphy? You sultry-voiced sinner! Hands off, Brits, she’s feckin' ours!!http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2181/1874751652_2226611461.jpg?v=0!_Green for Ireland_
Comments (36)
So, i'm a year and half late..like I am with most things, except for them I'm usually 20 years late, so really I'm just glad I finally got a chance to read this top shelf post. You are a wonder fluxie.