Hey Rolling Stone! Stop with the god damned lists already!

"No. I knew it was a piece of shit"
- Lester Bangs

The above quote is a response Lester gave when asked if his opinion of Rolling Stone magazine had changed. I was gonna say that Lester would be spinning in his grave over the current state of your magazine, but he obviously didn't care about you when he was still breathing. Why this magazine is still viewed as the mecca of all things rock journalism puzzles me.

Well now they have come out with yet another list issue. This time it's the greatest singers of all time. Look at the cover up there it says "all time" right on it. This list was compiled by various artists, producers, industry types, and the editors. You'd think they're referring to the editors of Martha Stewart Living, Varmint Hunters, and Club Confidential. That's what it seems like every time one of these list issues comes out. I mean you assholes didn't even think "Reign in Blood" was one of the 500 best records. C'mon!

I think the only reason these lists come out is to aggravate people. You argue and debate with friends and can only come to one agreed upon conclusion, the magazine blows. Below you will find the complete list. Click here to see who voted (which explains the Garfunkel inclusion) on this and what the magic tabulation formula was. All comments are mine and as always, are open to your criticisms and/or praises. If I'm positive it generally means that I agree with their inclusion. The placement/order is a whole other can of worms.


100) Mary J. Blige - Yes. One of the better current vocalists
99) Steven Tyler - No
98) Stevie Nicks - No
97) Joe Cocker - John Belushi as Joe Cocker = Yes
96) B.B. King - Guitarist absolutely yes, singer a mild yes
95) Patti LaBelle - Possibly
94) Karen Carpenter - Guilty pleasure that I'm glad made the list
93) Annie Lennox - Would rather have seen Sade instead
92) Morrissey - Rides a Cockhorse
91) Levon Helm - No
90) The Everly Brothers - Yes. A 2-for-1 package deal I guess
89) Solomon Burke - About 30+ people in front that shouldn't be
88) Willie Nelson - Absolutely
87) Don Henley - Everything about this man is awful
86) Art Garfunkel - What! Why not some votes for John Oates?
85) Sam Moore - Yes. Where's the love for Dave?
84) Darlene Love - Appearance on "Basketball Jones" cements her status here
83) Patti Smith - Sure
82) Tom Waits - Another that's about 60 spots lower than he should be
81) John Lee Hooker - Yes
80) Frankie Valli - With Annette Funachello yes, otherwise no
79) Mariah Carey - Can substitute any American Idol contestant just in case
78) Sly Stone - Yes
77) Merle Haggard - Definitely
76) Steve Perry - Excuse me! Did you just say Steve Perry?
75) Iggy Pop - Great entertainer but not necessarily a great singer
74) James Taylor - No fucking way!
73) Dolly Parton - Absolutely
72) John Fogerty - Yes
71) Toots Hibbert - I'm surprised they know who he is
70) Gregg Allman - Your brothers guitar playing yes, your singing no
69) Ronnie Spector - Yes
68) Wilson Pickett - Yes indeed
67) Jerry Lee Lewis - How can you say no to The Killer
66) Thom Yorke - Not quite
65) David Ruffin - Yes
64) Axl Rose - I'll say OK just for you Henji
63) Dion - You meant Deion Sanders right? If so, yes
62) Lou Reed - Another where the prestige influences the vote
61) Roger Daltrey - 4th best member of The Who
60) Björk - Unique voice. I guess that equals a yes
59) Rod Stewart - No thanks
58) Christina Aguilera - Excellent voice that is underutilized
57) Eric Burden - Good, but not great
56) Mavis Staples - Yes
55) Paul Rodgers - No
54) Luther Vandross - Fat or skinny version?
53) Muddy Waters - Absolutely
52) Brian Wilson - Songwriter yes, Singer no
51) Gladys Knight - Nothing without The Pips
50) Bonnie Raitt - I don't know. Another that seems really high
49) Donny Hathaway - The theme from "Maude" was his shining moment
48) Buddy Holly - Yes
47) Jim Morrison - I've always hated this overrated blowhard
46) Patsy Cline - Yes
45) Kurt Cobain - Maybe
44) Bobby "Blue" Bland - Sure
43) George Jones - Absolutely should have been in the top 15
42) Joni Mitchell - No thanks
41) Chuck Berry - Yes
40) Curtis Mayfield - Yes
39) Jeff Buckley - Would he be ranked this high if he was still alive?
38) Elton John - Never been a fan
37) Neil Young - Steve Winwood is better? WTF!
36) Bruce Springsteen - Serviceable
35) Dusty Sprinfield - Yes
34) Whitney Houston - When high on crack yes, otherwise no
33) Steve Winwood - I don't get this one at all
32) Bono - #32 singer, #1 pretentious douchebag. Hell no!
31) Howlin' Wolf - Hell yes. Surprised he placed this high
30) Prince - Yes
29) Nina Simone - Absolutely
28) Janis Joplin - A little overrated, but why not
27) Hank Williams - Yes indeed
26) Jackie Wilson - OK
25) Michael Jackson - 10 year old Jacko yes, pedophile Jacko no
24) Van Morrison - For sure
23) David Bowie - Yeah
22) Etta James - Yep
21) Johnny Cash - 21! Should be in the top 5
20) Smokey Robinson - Yes. I'm surprised by the lack of Motown artists here
19) Bob Marley - Not my favorite but sure, why not
18) Freddie Mercury - #18 seems very, very generous
17) Tina Turner - Yes
16) Mick Jagger - Good, not great
15) Robert Plant - 4th best member of Led Zeppelin
14) Al Green - Absolutely
13) Roy Orbison - Yes
12) Little Richard - Should automatically lose 50 points for appearing on Baywatch episode
11) Paul McCartney - See #5. Substitute the #11 for the #5
10) James Brown - Of course, it's the Godfather people
09) Stevie Wonder - Agreed
08) Otis Redding - My personal choice for #1
07) Bob Dylan - Yes
06) Marvin Gaye - For sure
05) John Lennon - Top 5 songwriter yes, top 5 singer...I'm not sure
04) Sam Cooke - Absolutely Yes!
03) Elvis Presley - Yep
02) Ray Charles - Yeah
01) Aretha Franklin - Yes


Uhhmm, hello voters!...Ella Fitzgerald? Sara Carter? Frank Sinatra? Nick Cave? Billie Holiday? Gil Scott-Heron? Huddie Leadbetter? Sarah Vaughn? Bon Scott? Maria Callas? Leonard Cohen? Loretta Lynn? H.R.? Tony Bennett? Rob Halford? Edith Piaf? Don Van Vilet? Waylon Jennings? Glenn Danzig? Louis Armstrong? Dinah Washington? Charley Patton? Bruce Dickinson? Bill Withers? Yma Sumac? Jimmie Rodgers? Astrud Gilberto? The Louvin Brothers...etc, etc, etc. I'm sure there's a bunch more that I'm forgetting right now. I'm kind of surprised that no Heavy Metal or Hip-Hop artists made the list at all. I know they are usually the ugly stepchild in the world of music, but c'mon. The absence of international artists, the only exception seeming to be Bob Marley, is also kind of disappointing. Seeing someone like Fela Kuti or Serge Gainsbourg up there would have been nice.

I think the way people vote on these things gets a little skewed based upon status, history, etc. People know of The Rolling Stones as one of the best rock bands of all time so the reasoning is that Jagger must also be one of the best singers. A very charismatic front man, but is he the sixteenth best singer of all time? An early death also seems to be a factor in a couple of cases. Would Freddie Mercury, Kurt Cobain, or Jeff Buckley be ranked that high if they were still alive? I'm not sure. I know that everybody has their opinions, but the fact that Ella Fitzgerald, Frank Sinatra, and Billie Holiday didn't receive any votes kind of blows my mind.

If you want to rip my choices, or add some names that you think should have made it, please fire back a comment. I'm curious what you all think.

This is like my first post in several months. I am alive but just neglectin' the MOG. Sorry folks.

Take care,

Davis Presley