MOG - Bwentman's Posts

Who loves the '80s?

Bwentman — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 06:19:36 GMT

So there's a website that has a veritable plethora of '80s videos. You can find just about anything you want. Including Bananarama.

http://www.80smusicvids.com/index.php

There you go. Don't say I never did anything for you.

Also, if you're interested in Polish film posters, there's a site that has a bunch of them up. Before you judge, looky.

Haha. Those are here.

Also, get your ass in gear for Wolf Parade's fall tour. Tix are here.

11-01 Buffalo, NY - Asbury Hall
11-02 Cleveland, OH - Beachland Ballroom
11-03 Omaha, NE - Slowdown
11-05 Tulsa, OH - Marquee
11-06 Little Rock, AR - Revolution Music Room
11-07 Columbia, MO - Blue Note
11-08 St. Louis, MO - Gargoyle
11-10 Madison, WI - Majestic Theater
11-11 Indianapolis, IN - Vogue
11-12 Newport, KY - Southgate House
11-13 State College, PA - State Theatre
11-14 Montclair, NJ - Wellmont Theater
11-19 Stockholm, Sweden - Debaser
11-20 Copenhagen, Denmark - Vega
11-21 Berlin, Germany - Festsaal
11-22 Hamburg, Germany - Uebel und Gefährlich
11-23 Stuttgart, Germany - Manufaktur
11-24 Zurich, Switzerland - Mascotte
11-25 Paris, France - Trabendo
11-26 Roubaix, France - Le Grand Mix
11-28 Manchester, England - Ruby Lounge
11-29 Dublin, Ireland - Andrews Lane Theatre
12-01 London, England - KCLSU
12-02 Amsterdam, Netherlands - Paradiso
12-03 Cologne, Germany - Luxor
12-04 Ghent, Belgium - Montreal Festival
12-05 Brussels, Belgium - AB Domino

You could see Sunset Rubdown also.

09-15 Cambridge, MA - Middle East (Upstairs)
09-16 Brooklyn, NY - Music Hall of Williamsburg
09-17 New York, NY - Mercury Lounge
09-18 Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church
09-19 Washington, DC - Black Cat
09-20 Columbus, OH - Skully's Music-Diner
09-21 Bloomington, IN - Bluebird
09-22 Covington, KY - The Mad Hatter
09-24 Atlanta, GA - The Earl
09-25 Birmingham, AL - Bottle Tree
09-26 Baton Rouge, LA - Spanish Moon
09-27 Austin, TX - Mohawk
09-29 Dallas, TX - Granada Theatre
09-30 Norman, OK - Opolis
10-01 Lawrence, KS - Jackpot
10-02 Iowa City, IA - The Picador
10-03 Madison, WI - The Annex
10-04 Chicago, IL - Empty Bottle

Those Wolf Parade boys are always busy with somethin. I'll leave you with Soldier's Grin, the first track off Wolf Parade's phenomonal sophomore album, At Mount Zoomer. It's very Handsome Furs.

Hi there. Been a while.

Bwentman — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 18:42:50 GMT

But I just had to.

From Pitchfork: Elephant 6 Crew to Embark on "Holiday Surprise Tour"

Pretty cool. Like it says there's no guarantee Jeff Mangum will be there. But, I mean, the guy hasn't done jack shit in like 8 years....he's gotta be bored just sitting around his house all day.

He is in this though. A short film that also includes Kevin Barnes from of Montreal. I'm sure all you die-hard Elephant 6 fans will remember this as the short film that's been "in the works" for about 10 years now.

Tour dates:

10-09 Chapel Hill, NC - Local 506
10-11 New York, NY - Knitting Factory
10-12 Boston, MA - The Church
10-14 Portland, ME - Space Gallery
10-15 New Haven, CT - The Space
10-16 Purchase, NY - SUNY Purchase
10-17 Rochester, NY- The Bug Jar
10-18 Pittsburgh, PA - Brillobox
10-19 Columbus, OH - Wexner Center
10-20 Pontiac, MI - Crofoot Pike Room
10-21 Chicago, IL - Bottom Lounge
10-22 Bloomington, IN - Cinemat
10-23 Lexington, KY - University of Kentucky

Other news, Blitzen Trapper recently did a Daytrotter session, and there are a couple of pretty good tracks up. It's their third time. Here.

Also, That Lucky Old Sun is out today. Everybody go give Brian Wilson your money.

For your pleasure, one of the most entertaining Neutral Milk Hotel songs. Dig it.

Heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy!

Bwentman — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 01:08:00 GMT

Holy crap it's been a shit long time since I've posted/wanted to post anything at all. But this is just too damn awesome to pass up. I'm sure you know these crazy bastards. And their crazy awesomeness.

Well, the kindly folks over at You Ain't No Picasso, a pretty bad ass indie music blog, if you're into that sort of thing....

They've compiled a whole buttload of Of Montreal cover songs. And I mean...a whole buttload. Apparently he scoured the forums of the E6 Townhall which is, for the uninitiated, a sort-of posthumous tribute to the Elephant 6 record company and the bands it housed. (If unfamiliar with E6 please see this.) It's a pretty cool place where you can find a lot of rare bootlegs and info on some pretty sweet bands (Neutral Milk Hotel, Of Montreal, The Apples in Stereo). Anyone can join, so if you have an overt love of weird underground 90s shit, check it out here.

Anyway, back to Of Montreal. I'm pretty sure this is every song they have ever covered, which includes several David Bowie tunes, some Rolling Stones, Prince, etc. Just a crazy array of stuff, spanning the length of the entire musical spectrum.

So, without further ado....

THE AMAZING OF MONTREAL COVER SONG ARCHIVE OF AMAZING WONDERMENT!

And to pique your interests, a small sample.....

The Future is Here.

Bwentman — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 23:21:25 GMT

Yield to the future!

I'm sure all you MOGgers out there are at least vaguely familiar with the music magazine Paste. With its indie music consciousness, smart design, and free sampler CD with each issue, it's easily in the very top tier of musical periodicals.

But, at a staggering $34.95 for a year's subscription, it is quite steeply priced. And that's probably the only turn off for most would-be subscribers. (I know that's the exact reason I didn't subscribe immediately.)

But, in light of Radiohead's recent, shall we say...entrepreneurial endeavor, Paste has been inclined to follow in their footsteps.

So right now, you can subscribe to Paste magazine for any fucking price you want. That's right. ANY PRICE. Two bucks. Three. 28. Whatever it's worth to you, is what you pay. Also, it's not limited to new subscribers. Current subscribers can renew their shit as well, for absolutely any price they want.

There is one catch, though.

You have to pay at least a dollar for it.

I mean, even if you are a cheap-ass bastard, one dollar for 11 issues of a highly acclaimed publication and 11 sampler CDs is a steal of a deal even the most shrewd bargain hunter can't pass up.

So my advice to you, is to get your drooling ass over to Paste's website, and drop your dollars on a subscription.

I seriously doubt they'll be wasted.

You'll just be a little...Pasted?

No? Maybe?

Thank God it's Fr-HIGH-day

Bwentman — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 19:15:54 GMT

Who knew Neil Diamond was such a cool cat?

I guess 1968 was just a weird year for everybody.

Prepare to poop. Seriously.

Bwentman — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 17:24:55 GMT

Colbert '08

Yep. That's right. He's running for fucking PRESIDENT.

This changes everything. Ev-er-y-THING.

This decision just got ten thousand times easier. Democrat? Republican?

Who gives a fuck...I'm voting for Stephen Colbert.

Don't believe me? Check it. Here.

As a dirty bastard once said, "The times they are a-changin'"

And it's true. Oh so true-ooh-ooohhh. Caintcha, caintcha feel it? In the air? Everyone's just waitin' for the bomb to go off.

Somethin's a brewin'. Oh Lordy yes.

It may be quiet now, but soon there'll be a whooooole lotta shakin' goin' on.

(Ps if I had my own computer I'd post either a Bob Dylan song, or Hail to the Chief. But, since I don't, just pick one and hum it to yourself a little bit)

SERIOUS NEWS HERE PEOPLE

Bwentman — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 18:22:53 GMT

"I would always give anything to Terry Gilliam, forever, so if Terry Gilliam ever wants to do Sandman then as far as I'm concerned Terry Gilliam should do Sandman...but Terry's busy trying to get Good Omens made that Terry Pratchett and I wrote. He needs someone to give him $70 million. If you or any of your readers have a spare 70 million dollars you are not doing anything with, then send it to T Gilliam, care of the London Pipe Organisation."

This is what Neil Gaiman says. Word for word.

So here's what you do. Gather up all your friends, and send Terry Gilliam money. A lot of money. Ten bucks a person....that's only 7 million people...that's like nothin.

Ok?

If you want to see this.....

On the big screen. I suggest you quit yer penny-penchin' ya panty-waist and roll out those checkbooks. You could be a producer. And realize your dreams of Hollywood producing fame.

HEY!

Bwentman — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 22:46:16 GMT

Bet you thought this was going to be about Radiohead, didn't you?

Well, I fooled the shit out of you then, didn't I?

I thought about writing a little something but I figure it's already been beaten into the ground by every man, woman, and child with the capacity for blogging. It'll be cover story on probably all the major music magazines within the next month, probably will even make it into a ton of non-music related magazines. So, guess I'll leave well enough alone.

But, I mean, what's there left to say. We all had to know it was going to happen sooner or later. Someone had to break the ice, cut the tension--it's been approaching the point of explosion for far too long. Someone had to stick a knife in the tires of those bastards Audi convertibles. Shake them off their high horses. It's called a reality check. (Even though Thom Yorke seems like the very last person you'd ever want performing a reality check on anything.) My first response was "Well...makes sense" Because...everybody kinda knew it was going to be somebody big. To break out, that is. But Radiohead.....Jesus....this is going to hurt.

Radiohead offers up a brand new album for any price you want to pay for it. And Wu Tang clears the first ever legal Beatles sample......

What the fuck is going on?

I don't know. But I like it. It's kinda neat. Kinda got revolution written all over it. Kinda like the summer of love, but in the digital age, minus the stinky hippies. (But with stinky hipsters. ZING!)

Mark my words. This is it. This is the point. After this things are going to be way different. Change is coming. Yessir it is. New prez in '08. Feb. '09 is the analog cut-off. THIS IS IT MAN.

SHIT IS GOING TO BE TOTALLY DIFFERENT IN THE NEXT FIVE YEARS. I can feel it. Pressing down on the top of my head so hard it hurts. Yessir I can.

Anyway. I kinda got a little carried away. What I meant to ask you people, was what magazines you read. Not just music, although music mag suggestions will be greatly appreciated. I've just come to the conclusion that I like magazines. And I want to read more of them. Movie/entertainment mags, comic mags, any sort of variety mag with decent writing, perhaps some decent short stories, or "portraits of the artist" type thing. So, if ya got a good magazine you been hiding up your sleeve, pull it on out and tell me what it is.

PLEEEEAAASSSSEEEEEE.

Yet another nugget....

Bwentman — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 22:14:24 GMT

Of information concerning my increasing fascination with the mash-up, and mash-up culture.

I've only just recently become interested in mash-ups and the like, due in part to my increased interest in broadening my hip-hop horizons. Of course, they come hand in hand, since sampling has been a rhythmic staple in hip-hop since its inception. However, hip-hop and remix culture is all still pretty young in the musical world--there's still plenty to be done with it. Not to say it's not progressing beautifully, because it is. But, as with most of fledgling genres, the really really good stuff is still buried underground and never receives the credit it deserves. (Getting a cease and desist letter from a major record label will do that.) And most of what the general public hears are the stale overworked remixes of whatever crappy rap song has been on the charts for three solid weeks.

Which sucks....for them. And everyone else dumb enough to listen to radio. Radio = the worst form of pop-culture torture I can imagine.

Anyway, so several days ago I was surfing the internet like I do, and I just so happened to come across yet another Beatles/anything else mash-up. From a Boston DJ called dj BC. My interests are always piqued when the Beatles are thrown into the mix (Grey Album anyone?) Immediately I was hooked because the name of the compilation was Let It Beast. The immortal timelessness of the Beatles music smashed impossibly head-on with the Beastie Boys.....Could it be?

My first response: "Holy Shit."

After listening to the entire CD my next response was: "Holy fucking shit."

It is amazing. There's something so liberating about listening to an increased tempo version of "Love Me Do" with the heady abrasiveness of "Hey Ladies"

Chills, ladies and gentlemen. Chills.

Now, I'm a fan of the Beastie Boys, Paul's Boutique and Ill Communication and all that (And I even got into To The 5 Boroughs) but I cannot, for the life of me, listen to probably more than 6 songs in a row. I find it to be very rough, biting, and generally difficult to listen to. I wish it wasn't this way...but it is. However, this CD transformed the Beastie Boys completely for me. It all just melted away....and I moved and swayed to the music like a middle aged woman at a Michael Bolton concert. The punchy New York vocals set to the comfortable sounds of the Beatles just...soothes me--sets of fireworks in my brain. It's weird, I know. But it's awesome. So, check it out. Somewhere.

I'm way too lazy to write up the tracks...so here's a link to wikipedia. And, dj BC's official website. So you can take a looky.

Now, of course I obtained the copy of this album illegally, as any legitimate copies were pulled due to copyright violations. But, I don't feel so bad, since the entire genre is pretty much based on illicit copyright use and a general civil disobedience, I think I'm just doing my part to further the medium.

Being intrigued by this dj BC fellow, I was fueled to scour the interwebs in search of more of his mash-up brilliance. After much searching, I was able to locate a copy of Glassbreaks, which is another mash-up, but this time utilizing the music of Philip Glass contrasted to various rap songs. Which sounded interesting at the very least. I mean, thank God someone finally decided to give ole Phil a little spice. God knows I can't listen to just Philip Glass. I'd be asleep for most of the day. But, this....this is different.

I didn't stop there. dj BC also has several Christmas and Halloween compilations he's produced to induce a very mashy holiday season. So I went off in search of these, particularly the Halloween one, called The Bride of Monster Mash-Up. Because Halloween is fucking sweet. And there are a lot of creepy Halloween songs out there, just begging to be sampled.

I did find this one, but none of the Christmas ones. (I hate Christmas, but I'd still like to see what the man would do with something like Jingle Bells.....)

I haven't had a chance to listen to either of those two, as they're still downloading, but I'm expecting really great things. And I hope I'm not let down.

P.s. I'll keep you updated.

P.s. Glassbreaks fucking rocks.

p.s. here's a neat track....

Funny story

Bwentman — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 23:30:04 GMT

So, we've got this old record store about a block down the street from our house, right? And you know, I like to go in there from time to time because it's such a grand sense of nostalgia--the piles and piles of vinyl stacked beautifully, albeit haphazardly, on every wall and corner. You know, piled into corners and wedged into every inch of imaginable space.

It's like a treasure trove of times long since past. And it's wonderful to walk in and feel the stale stench of decades of pop music laid to rest, seep into your nostrils and into your taste buds. Seriously, you can taste it.

Believe me, this place is fantastic. It's run by two brothers encroaching steadily on geezer status. And every time I come in, I'm regaled by tales of a bygone era of musical sensibility (Bob Dylan live in Memphis in the mid 80s), or enticed by the plethora of rare punk records sitting pristine behind the glass counter. (Misfits Legacy of Brutality on vinyl...where the fuck can you even find that anymore?)

They watch the news and complain about current events and beg me to buy more things because they really need to "eat tonight". I'm still not sure whether or not they're telling the truth, but I always seem to spend at least a hundred bucks every time. I don't know if it's out of pity, or respect for how well they've kept out of progress's probing digitization and subsequent curtailment of antiquated business practices. I'd like to think it's the latter. A simple monetary exchange to show my gratitude.

So I go in the other day. Just killing some time on my day off. Burn some cash, celebrate my newfound sense of freedom. I sift through two or three boxes of comic books and find a couple V for Vendetta issues from the original publication. A few Sin City originals, and a Hellboy comic. I figure that's pretty decent for comics, so I move on to checking out some 45 singles. So I start rummaging through boxes and whatnot. I get a copy of Johnny Cash and June Carter, "It Ain't Me Babe" and a couple CCR singles. Then I move on, deeper into the bowels of the store, feeling like a diver excavating the remains of an ancient pirate ship filled with plunder.

Now, there's this cat that lives right there in the store. And usually it stays up front in its box, quietly napping or cleaning itself lazily. But apparently on this day it was roaming around the back of the store, undetected by me, who was in some sort of eerie rummanging...trance. Then all of the sudden.

CRASH.

I jump in the air and have restrain myself from screaming like a woman. I look around and the cat's just sitting there, on the floor, amidst a giant cluttered pile of records. It looks up at me and says, "Meow."

It clambers up to a box near my chest and I say, "Holy shit, you scared the shit out of me." Then I start to pet its head and listen to it pur.

I say to it, "Hey, go find me some rare Beatles singles."

It responds, "Meow." Then scampers over to a nearby box of 45s and starts rubbing against it. I take the cat's word for it, put my stuff down on a box next to me, and start looking through them. About halfway through I come across a Ringo Starr single. I can't remember which one...but does it matter?

I say to the cat, "Fuck you. Not even a Paul McCartney and Wings...or George Harrison. A fucking Ringo Starr. Yeesh." Then I walk back to my stuff, severely disappointed in the supernatural Rare-Beatles-single-finding ability, and figure I should just leave.

But, next to my pile of stuff is a small stack of records, so I think...ah why not. Two or three records in, this surfaces.

I take it up to the counter and the old man looks it up in his faithful vinyl price guide. Turns out....it's a rare Beatles single. On Swan. The A-side's a Lennon-McCartney track called "She Loves You" and the B-side another Lennon-McCartney called "I'll Get You". "She Loves You" was the single produced directly prior to "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" which, we all know, completely launched Beatlemania in America. It appeared later on the Beatles second album, which overtook Meet the Beatles. I pay for it, and the man says I should come back some time and he'd break out the collection of rare stuff he keeps behind the counter. So...cool.

But, you know what that means.

Perhaps I did underestimate that kitty's cosmic prowess after all.....

Ok, was it just me?

Bwentman — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 02:43:56 GMT

Or was anyone else just thoroughly unimpressed by the achingly mediocre Iron Man teaser?

I mean...come the fuck on man. You guys used the song....Iron Man?

Here...just...just watch it.

Christ.

What is it with comic book franchises these days? What has happened to the art of the good teaser? You remember it don't you? The kind that hooks you deep down in your soul and forces its way into your mind, stewing there for 6 months, 8, or even a year until the film finally comes out. And it's sweet release.

Superman Returns? A lone shot of a mailbox at sunset. It says only "Kent" and you hear Marlon Brando's droning monolgue in the background. Then, Superman. His eyes snap open and he plummets to the Earth. That shit gave me chills dude. Literally. Although Superman Returns ended up being a colossal turd, of epically colossal proportins, that teaser stuck with me. Because it was so fucking good. Simple. Effective. Using familiar symbols of Superman lore that have been around for 60 years and Bryan Singer's strong cinematography didn't hurt. (And the $200+ million special effects budget.)

It's the same with Batman Begins. Christian Bale monologuing away in a dark, deep, and mysterious voice, outlining Batman's origin. Chris Nolan's dark and gritty vision come to life at last. It ended with three or four quick frames of him in the Bat-suit that hits you like a ton of bricks. People crapped their pants after that. Seriously, the whole theater smelled like poop...but nobody cared because it was FUCKING BATMAN.

Now remember The Dark Knight teaser? Falling cards. And not a single fucking FRAME of the Joker. Not even ONE. Talk about blue balls.

The Spiderman trailers? The first one. If you didn't know it was a Spiderman movie from the beginning you were suprised as hell. A helicopter caught in a giant web between the Twin Towers. Wow. "I'm sold."

And Iron Man. Iron Man. Arguable one of the better characterized Marvel characters with one of the most interesting powers. Turns out, apparently those things translate to: Boring, unevenly paced and uninteresting. DRAB. If I didn't want to see this movie so fucking bad already, I don't think I even would. After watching this trailer, that is.

Now listen to me here. Fellas. Really. $186 million budget and that's the best you can do? Of alllllll that footage allllll that money bought, that is the best you can do? A few measley shots of Iron Man flying around with some planes? LAME.

Put your dick into it man. You gotta fuck it. You gotta fuck it. You have to get in there and stimulate the movie's vagina. Make it squirt. If you don't make the film squirt, how do you think I feel? Cheap and used? Like some low-life floosy? Picked up drunk as hell from the bar by a sleazy frat boy with a backwards hat and a popped collar. I'm certainly not feeling like I'm worth $186 million wing-wangs. No sirree-Bob.

My advice, my blanket comic book film advice: You have to treat this film, and more importantly, the films teaser, like a beautiful woman. A gorgeous, gorgeous Brazilian model. Take your time. Get in there the natural way. Slow and steady. Get to know her. Learn the curves, know the ropes. Understand what she wants, and what she needs. And then when she's all warmed up. Just go for it. Slip it in niiiiiice and slow. And keep it going nice and slow for as long as you can--for hours. Until the final sweet, sexy conclusion that sends her rocketing into a gyrating orgasm is so hellacious she almost snaps your penis right off. BAM.

You get it?

Film is a vagina.

Pleasure it.

Please.

Hello! Excuse me?

Bwentman — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 18:46:02 GMT

Hi there. I was wondering in anyone in the known universe is in possession of this cd....From Dubplate to Download: The Best of Greensleeves Records

Or if you're not in direct possession of it, perhaps you know of a torrent site who does possess it. So perhaps I may possess it also.

Anyone?

I'm trying to get into reggae. They say Greensleeves has one of the largest catalogs of reggae songs in existence. So I figure....this would be the best place to start.

Well hello there Dan and Spencer, there you are...

Bwentman — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 07:07:16 GMT

Those of you Wolf Parade fans out there will be delighted to view this new live track.

It's fantastic.

Quite the departure from the sharp, almost antagonistic, controlled chaos offered by Apologies to the Queen Mary. The song instead takes on a densely layered, dreamy quality, that skips, almost playfully, to a trademark somber conclusion.

Here ye are.

OMGZZZ!!11

Bwentman — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 08:02:11 GMT

Oh dear! Sub Pop has a radio station!

Brand new!

I know you know Sub Pop. I know you love them. They've housed tons of your favorite artists for years. Now they've gone and started a spiffy radio station to broadcast a wide array of those artists' songs directly from their teeming bowels into your waiting esophagus. Including, apparently, tons of rare and unreleased tracks.

How great is that?

Here's the small blurb from the Sub Pop web site, including the link to the station.

Annnnd, this is the link directly to the radio station.

So there you are. Enjoy the free goodness.

Hellooooo

Bwentman — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 06:05:10 GMT

So, I come back from a week vacation in the old Sunshine state only to find a wee little package waiting for me on the doorstep.

To my surprise, it was from Absolutely Kosher records. And I thought, "Huh. That's weird....I don't remember ordering any CDs" So I tear open the envelope and find inside, not only a 20 song AK sampler, but also, a 20 song Misra Records sampler.

Of course, I popped one in immediately, and then the other. And then back to the first. And then the second. Just like that. Over and over again.

And I'll tell you what, I'm enjoying the fuck out of both of them. They're really great. So, my point here is, sign up for the AK mailing list. Because, if you do, they will send you a free sampler. It's as easy as that, all you have to do is give them your address and you get 40 free songs. From bands such as Frog Eyes, +/-, The Extra Glenns, Sunset Rubdown, Destroyer, and many, many others. That's a deal man.

Go here.

If I was a nice guy, and wasn't so fucking lazy, I would probably type up the track lists for each of the samplers. But...seeing as I'm neither...I'm not doing that.

The Times They Are a Changin......

Bwentman — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 21:37:38 GMT

No doubt you've heard of the new Bob Dylan biopic that's being released this September? Haven't you? (WHAT?! YOU HAVEN'T?!)

It's very big news. Very big indeed.

It's called I'm Not There and it follows the life and times of Bob Dylan throughout the decades. Only, the catch is, he's played by five different actors. (And one actress) I know, crazy, right? It's a bit of a change for biopics, a welcome change, since the entire genre has become somewhat of an Oscar supplicate in recent years. The idea of emulating the gamut of different Dylan personalities onscreen is a fantastic idea, I just hope the film is as fun as the concept. P.S. Just a little extra nugget of knowledge: This is the first film about his life that Bob Dylan has approved of.

So that right there should tell you something about its quality.

If you'd like to check the actors, here's IMDB.

And also, here's the poster. It's not very good quality, I think it's a leaked copy, since I couldn't find any hi-res versions. But, try and enjoy it anyway.

And what I really posted about, the video.

(Yes, that's Cate Blanchett as Bobby. And yes, that's David Cross as Allen Ginsberg.)

This movie's gonna be C-razy

Once again, I'd like to reiterate the point

Bwentman — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 04:33:44 GMT

That Billy Corgan is the biggest piece of shit, ever.

Check out that "Open letter from Billy Corgan." Jesus, has anyone ever come off as more of an overinflated, self-idulgent turd balloon? Get owned, assface.

A 4.9 from Pitchfork.

Ouch.

That's gotta sting.

Hahahahahahah.

Oooooh! Goodies!

Bwentman — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 09:01:51 GMT

I'm gonna go with a "Pop" tag because...I'd really consider The Format pop rock before I consider them rock pop. You know how it is.

There it is, The Format's latest album. And apparently to celebrate the one year release of Dog Problems they're offering it up for free download until July 16.

RIGHT HERE!

The whole thing. FOR FREE. FREE MAN.

YOU AINT GOTTA PAY FOR IT.

Good for Format fans who want to own the album, but just haven't gotten around to paying for it. Or, people who've never heard of the Format who appreciate pop rock and all the catchiness that comes along with it. Or people who've had the album for a while...didn't purchase..and would like a legitimate way to own it....heh.

Seriously man, get off your ass and get movin'  Get that shit.  Ain't nothin' stoppin' ya. GO!

Also, saw Live Free or Die Hard. It's pretty great. If you love exploding, I highly recommend it. But, if you hate exploding propaganda....just go ahead and steer clear. Because it'll hit you smack in the face. (Len Wiseman's no John McTiernan....but it'll do)

Also, I love Thomas Jane. I just...love him.

Seriously.

Read it and you will too.

(For those of you who've never heard the Format. Listen)

Attention: White Stripes.

Bwentman — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 09:57:11 GMT

Attention! I'd just like to publicly thank the White Stripes for finally making a record I can listen to.

Thank you, Jack. Thank you, Meg.

And thank you, God.

Because, I've always had a secret desire to love the White Stripes, but until now, it just wasn't there for me. I'd seen his talent first hand, Jack White is obviously a fantastic guitarist and a great lyricist, but, there was just something about listening to the White Stripes that made me want to tear my ears off and run around screaming, just to drown it out.

Obviously, it was Meg White's drumming abilities. Or...shall I say, her lack of drumming abilities. The horrible, horrible cacophony that always sounded more like someone banging on hanging pots and pans, rather than a professional musician on a recorded album. I could never, ever get over it. Or get past it. Her thoughtless banging would always bore straight to my brain and immediately set it aflame with rage. I'd listen to three or four songs then scramble for the mute button, cursing her bumbling hands and feet, and cursing Jack for keeping her around all these years.

Because, God knows she's not the brains behind the whole operation. It's been clear of that since the beginning. And I think everyone, (And I mean, everyone else in the world) finally fucking realized it when Jack went off and fulfilled his middle-of-the-road rock and roll fantasies with The Raconteurs.

They were all like, "Wow. This kid really does have talent when he's not fronting that weird candy cane band."

I like to think that his departure from the White Stripes and the subsequent tour-of-duty with the Raconteurs was the most influential aspect that made Icky Thump so tolerable. I think the Raconteurs was the best thing that ever happened to Jack White.

Icky Thump is great because I can hear Jack White's personality on it. Finally. I've always wanted to know what he's like. And now I do. (Tell you what, he's a great guy. I like him a lot. We'd probably be friends in real life. Hey Jack, wanna get lunch? No, I don't care, I'll go wherever you wanna go. Indian? Yea. Sure. Sounds fine. 2:30 it is. See you there.) Finally, they toned down Meg's drums and managed to almost completely drown her out behind Jack's wall of distortion and lusciously layered guitars. Which is exactly what I've been praying for. I prayed for it on Get Behind Me Satan but I was let down as the continued minimalism shattered my hopes and dreams. And Meg's drums shattered my ear drums upon each listen. I couldn't even watch the videos for "Blue Orchid" or "The Hardest Button to Button" without putting the television on mute. I had to enjoy the cinematic quality of the videos without the intended soundtrack, and I'll tell you what, that's not near as fun as it sounds (I hummed circus music to pass the time.)

And I think, that Meg's improved a little. Not much, but a little. It's hard to play an instrument and NOT improve at least a smidgen every year or so. So, she is getting better. Maybe by the next album she'll be burning the stage up with a 35 piece kit--tearing the house down with drum solos that'll give Neil Peart nightmares. Maybe.

Anyway, to sum it up, Icky Thump is amazing. But, I'm sure you all knew that by now. It's eclectic, and cleverly channels the White Stripes aura, dancing back and forth between a handful of genres, painting the patented "White Stripes" moniker on every single one. 50 years from now people are going to be looking back on our musical generation, examining the decades like rings on the trunk of a tree. What will they see? Well, on a small part they'll probably spy a hastily carved heart and arrow, with the note, "Jack was here." Splattered here and there with dots of red and white paint. They'll probably see about twenty years of candy-striped X's and O's and wonder..."Maybe they had Christmas every day" And once they pick up Icky Thump out of some dusty record (CD? Online digital music retailer?) shop, they'll say, "Yes. With the White Stripes, they really did have Christmas every day."

After so many years of waiting for the White Stripes to become a real fucking band, to make an album to which I could listen and not consider suicide, it finally happened. I can finally breathe a sigh of relief and embrace my unrequited love for the White Stripes. FINALLY! YES! I couldn't be any more ecstatic about this.

I LOVE THE WHITE STRIPES!!!!

WHOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!

Title track for ya.

Ok. So.

Bwentman — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 19:11:21 GMT

I just heard the single "Tarantula" from Smashing Pumpkins new album Zeitgeist.

All I can say is "Ew. Ew. Ew. Go back to the 90s."

Yeesh, what a crappy track. It's got like seventeen guitar solos and it's only 4 minutes long. God. VOMIT

Plus, I don't know if you've heard about their clever marketing plan...(which is most likely to ensure the album's monetary success, as well as simultaneously bleed lifelong Pumpkin fans dry.) They are releasing four different versions of the album. (One at Best Buy, One on iTunes, One at Target, and I guess one that you can pre-order) But, the catch is, each has a different bonus track. So, let's just say you're a faithful Pumpkins fan, you haven't had a new album since what...2000? And you're just itching to get your hands on any and all new Pumpkins tracks. Well, tell you what, pal. That's gonna be a solid 40 bucks. AT LEAST. At the very least. Surely, some greasy-haired waifs in their 30s will stroll in, looking like they haven't stopped rocking in 20 years, and say, "Whatever man. IT'S THE PUMPKINS DUDE" And gladly slap the wad of dirty bills down. Then of course, take their Sonic Youth shirt wearing, living in the 90s ass out to their truck and commence the rocking out.

But others. (The ones who grew up. Or the intelligent ones.) Will take it for what it is: a fucking scam And, with any luck, boycott the entire album.

I've never liked Billy Corgan. Not at all. Never cared for his bald whining. And this makes me care even less. But it also makes me laugh. Laugh at the fact, that the very face of the alt-rock subculture has now become the very face of corporate corruption and money-grubbing--blatantly exploiting the Pumpkins' popularity and fanbase to squeeze a few more bucks outta their endearing pockets.

My guess, and hopefully the universe will back me up on this one, is that the album will totally flop. Based on declining record sales and the upwards mobility of illegal downloading, I'd say the album will sell somewhere between 800k and 1 mil copies. At best. Not to mention the fact that people who were fans of the Pumpkins, in the 90s, are probably the exact people who upload and download files on P2P networks, and assuming the album leaks at least a week in advance (and it most definitely will, if it hasn't already), this downloading will put a HUGE dent in the amount of sales. Which, as fate would have it, would ironically make a bust of this cleverly conceived plan to hoodwink people into buying more than one CD.

Suckers.

SUCK IT BILLY CORGAN. YOUR BAND BLOWS.

HAHA!

Well.

Bwentman — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 10:47:43 GMT

So much for the hope that by Angels and Airwaves' sophomore album Tom Delonge would cease fellating his own cock, come back down to earth and write some honest, genuine music.

Check out the band's new site" which boasts, in addition to promising a Fall '07 release of i-Empire, yet another ambitious, elusive sound byte, much like the echo-y crap that preceded the debut of their previous release.

If anything he's just gotten more pretentious.

And, to think, after the trumped-up, overstated, overindulgent, U2-filching sounds of We Don't Need To Whisper, I'd thought that all but fucking impossible.

Well, that's Mr. Delonge for you. (I guess?)

God damn what I wouldn't give for just one more Blink-182 record. FUCK

Asshole.

Top Ten Worst Bands/Artists of All Time

Bwentman — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 10:55:30 GMT

And by "worst" I mean the world would have been better off if they'd never even existed at all.

Here they are, in no particular order.

Slipknot

Yea, Kiss already did the whole masks/facepaint and alter-ego thing. And their music was like a thousand times better. And that still doesn't even get close to 0 on a scale from 1 to 10. Sorry...but it's true. You guys just look like morons.

Panic! At the Disco

Go back to the circus. Clowns. Tell you what. How about I chime in. With a big "Fuck you." Idiots.

Smash Mouth

Too bad the 90s didn't last forever. Ay fellas? Yes, yes. Too bad.

That guy who sings that song "ay babay"

I don't even care enough to look up who he actually is. I just know it sucks a lot of ass.

Creed

This needs absolutely no explanation.

ABBA

I think I can live out the rest of my life, in blissful happiness, without ever hearing "Dancing Queen" Ever. Again.

Backstreet Boys/N'Sync/98 Degrees

Since they're pretty much all the same band. Who bled an entire generation of drooling, brace-faced teeny-boppers for every penny of their allowance money. Time and time again.

P.O.D

There should be an entire section devoted to "Jesus rock" because they're all equally as horrible. This goes out to all of you: Regardless of what you think, being in a really shitty band does not get you any closer to God's good side. In fact, in all likelihood, he'd send you straight to hell, rather than listen to another second of your generic Jesus-loving crap.

Sisqo

Man. If my only claim to fame was silver hair and a song about thongs....I think suicide would be the only honorable way out.

Insane Clown Posse

Words escape me. But the ones that do come to mind are: Fuck..shit, god damn, what the fuck, motherfucking, dicklick, and fucknut.

I think that ICP is widely considered, by almost all people on planet earth, to be the worst band of all time. I have no studies nor respectable statistics to back this up. But, just ask a few people on the street. I think you'll find more than one person will vomit upon the mere mention of their name.

Also, here's a quick rundown of bands that didn't make the cut, but were reeallly close. (Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Beyonce, Mike Jones, Puddle of Mudd, Vanilla Ice, Michael Bolton, Evanescence, Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, Kid Rock, Avril Lavigne, Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, Nickelback, Trapt, Barry Manilow, Blue October, Papa Roach)

Also, any trite, throwaway R&B artist from the past 20 years. Any band whose lead singer sounds like Eddie Vedder. Eddie Vedder. Any band whose live show induces "hardcore dancing". Any band whose primary audience dresses in all black, shops at Hot Topic, uses eye-liner, cries, hangs out at the mall, and dresses in girl pants. Any band with a self-proclaimed "straight edge" lifestyle. Pretty much any band from the 1980s. And, any country musician who wears a cowboy hat, sings about his truck, and pretends to be from Nashville. (e.g. Absolutely anything on CMT)

I could literally go on for days about this.

Did I forget anything?

Mountain Goats

Bwentman — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 22:01:52 GMT

Ok, here's the Mountain Goats song. I can't find any information on it, besides what Darnielle gave in the interview. It's true, I think that no one really knows if it's a Bob Marley song, or a Peter Tosh song.

Ah well.

Mountain Goats

Bwentman — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 23:28:36 GMT

All right you indie fools. Today's the day. Head on over to Daytrotter for some unreleased John Darnielle goodness.

Last track was originally capped at a thousand downloads, but they've pushed it to another thousand. So, shake a leg and get there before it gets up to 2k.

Then you'll have one of only 2000 copies of a Mountain Goats song.

And I just know you're drooling at the thought.

If you don't make it, drop me a line, and I'll post it up and you can rock out.

Well well well.

Bwentman — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 06:04:58 GMT

Oh well.

(By the way, Cold War Kids do the most fantastic rendition of this song. I'm sure you can find it on you tube somewhere.)

All right.

I've been absent from MOG for a while, my MOG-O-MATIC's been pretty shitty since the whole facebook fiasco started. I knew I shouldn't have downloaded that fucking thing. Ah well.

Reason for this post.

Does anyone, any person on this website have an invite to indietorrents.com, because I really want one. Badly.

I'll trade you something. I don't know what yet...but I'm sure we can haggle.

In Kramer's words. "Interesting trades considered.)"

Too Pooped To Pop.

Bwentman — Sat, 26 May 2007 20:38:10 GMT

Haha. Thanks Chuck.

Just got back from Holland and I'll tell you what, I really am too pooped to pop. Two weeks of intense marijauna usage and pizza consumption is enough to poop out the most persistent of troopers.

A few things I'll be adding to my music collection soon:

The Flying Burrito Brothers Gram Parsons Townes Van Zandt Nick Drake Daniel Johnston Wesley Willis Harry Partch

Also, I'll tell you what I'm really diggin' right now. The National's Boxer and Handsome Furs' Plague Park. Excellent. Both of them. Maybe I'll write a proper review soon.....

Anyway, quick question for you guys.....you know of any really really good torrent sites? You know, for like indie stuff and obscure titles. I know of plenty of sites for everything else (Got that ole Firefox searchbar. Couldn't live without that shit, I guarantee it.)

If you do, just drop a link in the comment section and I'll love you forever.

Just a little sum sum for the weekend.

Bwentman — Fri, 04 May 2007 20:08:35 GMT

Nice summer/weekend track. Give it a listen. It's one of those. You'll probably be hooked to the Beach Boys for life after this.

Sweeeeet.

Bwentman — Thu, 03 May 2007 21:37:23 GMT

Well, I'll be leaving for a two week VACAY in Amsterdam in about five days. First time out the country. I'm very excited. Can't wait for all the legal weed. The red light district. And of course the Euro-babes.

And yet, all I can research is which bands are going to be touring in Europe while I'm over there.

Luckily for me. Grizzly Bear, Bloc Party, AND Of Montreal are doing a leg of their European tour as soon as I get there. How fucking sweet is that? Needless to say...I'm really fucking excited. I might be seeing a little of Kevin Barnes parading around stage naked as a jay bird. No one understands his sexy in the US. But the Europeans do. Yes they do.

So in honor, here's a classic Of Montreal track. Enjoy!

This song should go at the beginning of every movie.

Bwentman — Sat, 28 Apr 2007 23:49:10 GMT

Probably the best rip on those "Let's all go to the lobby" videos that used to play during intermission at movies. It's hilariously animated. I wish I could've found a video. You can look for yourself, but all I could find was a crappy hand-held video from inside the theater. Blech.

You'd probably just be better off scampering to the nearest movie theater and dumping your money on the ATHF movie.

This might be one of the best soundtracks to a movie ever. I'm not really a big fan of metal, but I just love how unconventional the entire thing is. Metal mixed with hip-hop, nerdcore, and even a dash of indie goodness. It all plays together well, and fits with the classic ATHF motif of making you sit back and go "What the fuck?"

Definitely has my vote for most eclectically weird soundtrack/movie ever.

Haha.

Bwentman — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 00:27:04 GMT

Stretchin' my MOG legs.

Bwentman — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:07:53 GMT

Yeeeeeep. Feels good.

Been a while. I'd forgotten about the uploading mp3 capabilities of MOG. Sho is a ruuuuuhlief. Yessir.

Better than those myspace fucks....

You make ONE Joni Mitchell account and they act like it's the end of the fucking world. Jesus.

This goes out to those guys. With their panties in a wad over copyright infringement.

Try it.

The man. The genius.

Bwentman — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 07:25:18 GMT

Kurt Vonnegut, dead at 84.

Horrible. Just horrible.

Who knows where contemporary American literature would be without him. Or where it'll go now.

I'll miss the crotchety bastard, truly I will. Just the thought of living out the rest of my life in Vonnegut-less world is chilling.

Very chilling, indeed.

God dammit.

I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours....?

Bwentman — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 04:11:20 GMT

I'm going to tell you people something. sigh A deep dark secret. Something I don't want most people to know about me, because if they found out...I'd never....I'd lose my credibility.

It's so horrible. I'd be shunned from all musical discussion. Ousted from a position of respected musical recommend-ator, harshly demoted to merely a watchdog of sorts. Or waif! Preposterous!

I'd never be able to go to a Decemberists show. Ever. The teeming masses of pseudo-intellectuals could surely sniff out my insecurity. They thrive on it. All it takes is one whiff betwixt discussions of "indie" rock and NPR programming...and I'm out. That's it. Colin Meloy himself would look down the end of his nose at my idiocy. For years to come he'd spin bombastic tales of woe, making wordy, high-browed parody of the paltry calamity that is my life.

Alas!

But.....I can make it right. It's simple. So simple. I'll tell you. But only if you promise not to tell.

The following list contains the names of bands whose music to which I have never listened. Brace yourselves.......

The Flaming Lips The Violent Femmes We Are Scientists Beck Wilco Animal Collective The Jesus and Mary Chain LCD Soundsystem Magnetic Fields Elliot Smith Yo La Tengo

There it is. My horrible secret. Now you know. But I'm fixing it soon. Yes....soon I'll be listening to every artist. Every album! EVERY SONG!

Yes, well. There you have it.

What's your musical secret?

Conor Oberst, the tricks up his sleeve, and the rabbit in his hat.

Bwentman — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 23:12:21 GMT

All right. Here I am, several years down the road from when I first started listening to Oberst's Bright Eyes. And I don't know that my opinion has changed all that much since then. I started off disliking the music, dismissing it as some kind of indie crap with a mediocre vocalist. But, I kept listening. I'd tell people "OH man. Bright Eyes sucks dude. Fuck, I hate them so much. Who does that fucking weenie think he is?" But I'd go home at night and put on Fevers and Mirrors and lie down to bed with a smile on my face. I started to understand Conor Oberst. I felt the pain of humanity (finally!) the shittiness of it all. I started to feel his sadness. Then I'm Wide Awake It's Morning and Digital Ash came along. His popularity increased ten-fold. He had become an indie staple, Mr. Indie rock, the poster boy for that entire corner of the music industry.

And I loved him.

That was three years ago. Of course I kept listening. Keeping an ear out for any signs of a new Bright Eyes album. Secretly I was very excited. Then I heard the rumblings. May of '07 Bright Eyes would have a new LP. "Sweet JEsus!" I thought to myself, "What luck! What a wondrous, joyous occasion it will be!"

But then I thought.....do I even really like Bright Eyes? I mean, I've listened to the albums. I like some of the songs. I thought yes. And no. It's not that I like or dislike Bright Eyes....it's that I'm still discerning it--still picking it apart. His music is a macabre puzzle, and I haven't figured it out yet...I'm not even close to solving it. I think most people who dislike Bright Eyes are afraid to make this kind of commitment to music. It's like....loving Tom Waits. If you're gonna do it, you've gotta go all the way. All or nothing. It's going to be your life. Because, it's deep, it's heavy, and it's bursting. You've got to hear everything, you've got to know everything, and you've got to feel it.

All. The. Time.

Being a Bright Eyes fan isn't just being a Bright Eyes fan....it's being Conor Oberst. That's why he's so important to so many people. And so scary to so many others.

Me? I don't think I'm ready to take that step. Or maybe...at least not in the direction of Bright Eyes. Unless Conor himself wants to come on down and talk me into it. Then maybe.

That being said. Cassadaga. From an outside viewpoint, let's take a look. I've got the album. (As I'm sure many of you dirty pirates out there do) And, honestly, I don't really like it. It's definitely Bright Eyes. But, it's a lot less Bright Eyes. You see what I'm saying? It's soft. Approachable. Mundane.

Yes, it's haunting, it's spooky, it's filled with an eerie mystery that's found on every Bright Eyes release to date. But Cassadaga's got a polished sheen that I can't seem to get past. Previously, Bright Eyes' works have all but defied description completely, as most good music does, dancing merrily between indie-rock, alternative, and folk genres. But, this album, after I listened, and all I could think was alt-country. That's what this is. At it's heart Cassadaga is an alt-country album. And that's a major disappointment.

There was something so perfect about not being able to put my finger on what exactly Bright Eyes was. Now that mystery is gone and I can feel the genre-stickiness oozing out of every corner.

It's as if he worked hard to flatten his vision--smooth it out. The whole album plays similarly, and it feels more approachable than any of his previous releases, less like a jumbled chorus of nonsense, less wiggly. Less surreal. It's more...ethereal. More like things we've heard before. Free associations fly, and the down-to-earth quality of the music pulls you in.

And I think he was trying to make it more accessible to the general public. He probably wanted to make a record that everyone would like. But, in doing so, he lost some of the original luster that made Bright Eyes so quirky and fun to listen to. (Fun to pick apart) Now, it's as if he's taken the loose ends, tied them all up into the same knot, and put orchestration behind it. Because that's what people want, clearly defined borders and a sense of cohesion. (Not all people, just most. I don't understand it, but..there ya go)

It was a bold move staying with Saddle Creek. Really, it was. Denying major label release when clearly your popularity is equaling, if not doubling or tripling any major label band's popularity. But was it really such a bold move? Hm?

Obviously staying with an indie label is going to have some monetary perks. If nothing else, minimal production costs and meager label fees. (Plus, Conor's brother is a co-owner of the company. So...you know what they say.....) I'm not saying he did it to make money. (Yes I am.) But just look at the facts. His popularity (he's easily the most popular artist on Saddle Creek, which would give him pretty much infinite freedom, musically). His brother's association with the label(Maybe he wanted to make him rich in the process. Nothing wrong with a little brotherly love). THE MONEY.(He's only human) Come on people. He knew damn well any album he released after Wide Awake and Digital Ash would make millions. Millions upon millions. So why not cut a deal with Saddle Creek and keep most of the profits along the way? They get their star, their publicity, and he gets a shitload of green. Hell of a lot easier than bending to the major label woes of advertising fees, and an all but boa-style constriction of artistic values.

The truth is...he's not like the rest of us. He lives in his own world. Completely. And it's dirty, dank, dark, and depressing in there. But, I think maybe for once, Conor Oberst crawled out and lived in the real world. Maybe just for a bit, and probably not very whole-heartedly, but he was here, and it shows.

Big time.

A continuation...

Bwentman — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 11:23:44 GMT

In a maniacal fit of fan-boy eagerness, I photo shopped a few faux posters for the upcoming Watchmen movie.

If you'd care to view them, please look here.

Here's a taste.....

Simple, yet effective. Appeals to fan-boys and piques the curiosity of passersby. Leaves them wondering, "What the devil was that poster all about? Looks like I'ma gonna have to do some researchin' on the old interweb, when I get home. Using mah myspace. And mah Google. Only Google.....There is no other. " As they vegetate slowly towards the nearest Starbucks and yammer on about which sports team won this or that hoodly-daddle and what the weather's looking like for the next few days.

Hah. Silly stereotypical American consumer.

I do believe the official teaser posters will look eerily similar to at least one of these. I should probably copyright the design and sue the balls off somebody in like a year and a half.

I'll weasel my way into the business someway, god dammit.

Oh yes. _I will._

Zak Snyder for realllzzz on Watchmen, fanboys worldwide collectively ejaculate.

Bwentman — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 08:26:00 GMT

Watchmen is widely considered to be one of the most brilliant and altogether original works of superhero fiction to have ever been published. Alan Moore's classic graphic novel takes the idea of "comic books" or "graphic novels" and even "superheroes" to the next level, expanding the parameters of the genre, graduating from camp-value aethesticism to actual serious prose. Watchmen is generally praised for being one of the few graphic novels to cross the barrier between comic books and what is normally perceived as classical literature. (Read, books without pictures.) Heavily leaden with symbolism, the entire work breaks down sterotypical visions of superheroes, often times directly addressing the superhero mythos itself and turning it completely on its ass--depicting the heroes as typical citizens with typical problems, psychoses, wants, needs, and desires. It's a heavy book, no matter how you look at it.

Which is why it remains the consensus that Watchmen is totally, completely, and utterly unadaptable. And what would you expect? The graphic novel itself weighs in at a staggering 400 pages, making it easily any screenwriter's worst nightmare. Plus, it's one of those films that's been dancing around Hollywood for years now, juggling handfuls of different directors, writers, producers, and studios. (Hell in the past two years alone the project's gone from Darren Arronofsky at Universal, to Paul Greengrass at Paramount, to what now is mostly set in stone, Zak Snyder, back at Universal. With one of the many revisions of the famous David Hayter script.) Apparently, Hayter's script was the whole reason the project was resurrected in the first place. Hayter, who has already had experience adapting comic books to movies, turned the impossible possible by condensing Watchmen into a coherent feature length, film adaptation. Which means, he's a wizard. Tada. Most likely it wasn't hard for him, since he's already had experience with comic to film adaptations--he wrote the scripts for the first two X-Men movies, which were arguably the best of the three.

Now, let's talk a little bit about the director. Watch.

Three years ago if you'd told me that this basically unknown filmmaker, some guy by the name of Zak Snyder, would be taking a stab at adapting one of the greatest graphic novels ever created...I probably would have cried. Honestly. I would've denounced Hollywood, comic books, and fiction in general. (Of course that was back when I thought Darron Arronofsky would be directing.) And I probably wouldn't have been the only one. Because, as it was, three years ago pretty much the only feature film Snyder had under his belt was the big-screen version of himself anally-raping George Romero's classic zombie flick, Dawn of the Dead. Yes, it's safe to say I didn't like it much.

But then, 300 happened. And it was spectacular. (Don't tell anybody, but secretly I believe that Zak Snyder's version of 300 actually better emulates the spirit of Frank Miller, moreso than Sin City did. Shhhhhhhh....) And all the sudden, Zak Snyder was hot shit. His $60 mil adaptation of a Frank Miller graphic novel, which initially seemed to only appeal to drooling fanboys and drooling young girls, turned out to be the box office smash of the year--raking in over $130 mil in its first two weekends, breaking the March records and shooting almost to the top of highest-grossing R-rated films. Honestly, I think it's safe to say that the box office success of 300 is going to give Snyder miles of breathing room on his Watchmen adaptation, if not the next five years of his career. I hear he's rallying for a $150 mil budget...which is...a helluva-lot for such a bold project....but he just might get it. I hope he does.

I am rarely this excited about a movie at this stage of production. Because, there's always the chance that the studio will bail out at the last minute...the director will bail out...actors change. All that stuff. But, I think this is one of those films that's very dear to a lot of people, and anyone involved would want to make it as perfect as possible. And I think most of this will stick. They've already done costume designs, and shot test footage. There's one image of Rorschach out there right now that Zak Snyder slipped into one frame of a 300 trailer. Here it is:

In my opinion, it's looking pretty damn good so far. He's claiming the costumes are going to remain similar if not the same, and time frame will stay in the 80s. It's basically going to be the same. Which is good. Great, even. Because it was perfect the first time around. No need to go in and fuck it up by trying to update it. Tom Cruise is rumored to maybe be involved. Truthfully, I could care less. I'm getting sick of Tom Cruise's pretentious ass. Either way though, I think he'd make a decent addition to the cast, if it were to happen. Also, I think Ron Perlman's been rallying for the part of The Comedian, which would be, needless to say, perfect in just about every respect. (I'd also say either JK Simmons or Fred Ward would be good for the part) Rorschach could be anybody.(Haha, oddly enough my top three choices for the role would be Bruce Willis, Benicio Del Toro, or Clive Owen. Hell, even Mickey Rourke. Basically any male lead from Sin City. They've all got such great voices.) Honestly, I'm just looking forward to seeing it on the big-screen. It's going to be absolutely gorgeous. Hopefully, Snyder will use some of the same digital techniques as 300, but also, at the same time, he won't bombard you with them. I'm definitely hoping it won't be nearly as in-your-face, stylistically. I just want a nice toned-down film with decent pacing, great acting, good music, and brilliant cinematography. Mostly, I just want it to emanate the air of Moore's Watchmen, surprising me somewhat with its quality, yet staying true to the original tone of the work.

This could be the breakthrough for comic book genre films. Really, it could. This could be the film that shows everyone that a superhero flick doesn't have to be an action-packed throwaway cod-piece made only to showcase special effects and campy humor. This film could finally teach people that graphic novels are rich, deep works, and have just as much staying power and influence as any other medium. Ya dig?

That's about all I have to say.....

If you're looking for more info, even though I doubt you are, here's. a bunch of articles about Watchmen from Dark Horizons. And, of course, you could always go out and get a copy of the graphic novel and read it. I think they even have it at the library for you tightwads out there. Toodles.

Why the fuck does Panic! At the Disco. Suck so fucking much?

Bwentman — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 06:29:58 GMT

Hm? Why? I’ve never encountered a band that sucks more. In all my years. Look at 'em--the idiots. Jeez.

They were popular for like...five minutes, and I thank God every day that that five minutes is almost over. But then, out of the fucking blue, that song comes blasting out of the ether to torture me one last time.

It struck me rather queer, it’s melodious waves evoking images of some juvenile sing-a-long with a handful of gyrating, politically-correct youngn’s And then--epiphany

That’s their target demographic. DUH! The wee ones. The ones who haven’t had a chance to yet explore the refineries of music history. (Read: the vulnerable ones) The kids who only listen to what gets played on MTV or VH1. They’re much easier to take advantage of because they don’t know exactly how bad the music sucks until they’ve grown up...and by that time it’s too late. They’ve already paid for it, and record execs have already spent the money on hookers’ socks to sniff, or artifacts from King Tut’s tomb to smash with baseball bats.

They’re just a bunch of fucking kids themselves, and that’s why they make such shitty songs. Now, don’t get me wrong, kids can make good music, but they have to do it with style and grace. They have to emanate a certain worldliness. Like Dylan..he was only what...21, when he cut his first record? And he already sounded gruff, tired, and wise.... like he’d been around the world ten times over. These guys just don’t exude that sense of maturity.

They’re music is trite at best. There’s no way any band named after disco could be anything but trite. Seriously, I think their musical knowledge is slim-to-nil, at best. Writing sessions must sound a little something like this: “Ok. Song. Right. Um...let’s have an intro. Then a verse. Then the chorus. Then another verse. Then one of those breakdown things. Then another chorus. All right. Annnnnd we’re done. How many more? Oh a video...hm. Let’s all just put on a bunch of make-up and get some extras to dance around like idiots. You know, to take the focus away from the crappiness of our music”

Their fucking music is an ear-sore and its idiocy baffles my brain. “I chime in with haven’t you people ever heard of closing the god-damned door. No, it’s much better to face these kinds of things with sense of pose and rationality.” Ok...what the fuck does that mean? What kind of chorus is that? Hm?! It doesn’t even make any fucking sense. Let’s see it in prose.

I chime in, “Haven’t you people ever heard of closing the god-damned door?” “No, it’s much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.”

Now, what’s with this non-sequitur bullshit. Obviously that statement does not follow logically from the query. So, it’s a fallacy. Strike one, idiots. If it was something more like this, it would make loads more sense.

I chime in, “Haven’t you people ever heard of closing a god-damned door?” “Yes, we have heard of it. But, there’s a cool summer breeze and leaving the door open saves money on our monthly air conditioning bill.”

You see. That makes sense. Lots of people can relate to it. And I can relate to it, growing up in the stifling southern summer heat. I understand trying to make it through another hard year on nothing more than a meager workman’s wages. Write songs like that. Bob Dylan did. So did Bruce Springsteen. That’s why everyone loves them.

And while you’re at it...change your fucking name. It’s stupid. Panic! At the Disco. Nobody panics at the disco. There are no more discos for one. For two, the disco was a place to relax and chill with friends, wind down after a hard day at work. Who ever went to disco and then just started convulsing and screaming. It was a nice place. Not some converted crack-house with whores and pimps running amok, causing havoc. There was never any panicking at the disco. Well, perhaps at Studio 54 whenever little Michael went into a crazed coke-induced conniption fit. But other than that....no.

Change it to something everyone can understand. Like....Coupons! In my Sunday Paper. Or Damn! I left the oven on. People can relate to those things. It’s all about getting inside their heads.

I never understood why people liked their “music”.(Or as I like to call it...”Contrived cotillions for the coruscatingly challenged. Orrrr Colorless Concordant Contrivances to Captivate Cretins. ” I never understood fully why their music was so....gay. Until I saw that video. You know the one. Where that fucker is trying his damndest to look like a stupid hybrid of Ziggy Stardust and Alex De Large from Clockwork Orange, but just ends up looking like a straight up fruitcake instead. You know...where he tried to look awesome by stroking his hat every five seconds or bouncing his cane in the air? I mean, seriously, Alex DeLarge even wore that fucking diaper....and he’s still more bad-ass than this guy. How gay do you have to be to not pull off Alex DeLarge? Or David Bowie for that matter.....

And the answer is...reeeeallly fucking gay.

But then I realized the naked truth. The sick, disgusting truth.....he can’t pull it off because he’s a clown. They’re all clowns–secretly. Their day job as a faux glam-rock pop punk outfit is just a facade for their moonlighting careers as clowns in the Shrine circus. I mean, they were in the circus long before they starting making music, that’s very apparent. Obviously, it’s their main influence. They’ve grown homesick for the touring, fruity festivals from their past. So they cheer themselves up by emanating the lurid sounds of le carnival magnifique.....and dancing around like queer ringmasters in the gay parade.

Their music is a circus. Plain and simple. And I’m not so sure that’s a good thing to try and translate to music. It just ends up making people uncomfortable, thinking that they somehow picked up a CD that was illegally leaked from a community of traveling carnies..... or a “declaration of principles” discarded by a mob of picketing homosexuals. See....stuff like that makes people uncomfortable.

So guys....if you’re at all interested....I’d like you to please exit stage left and rejoin the circus-performers union. Get back in there. You’re not getting any younger you know. I’ll call ahead and make sure everything’s in order. I’ll get your old circus Ids ready, reprinted on crackers just like you always wanted. No need to worry. I’m gonna fix it all. I’ll make it better. Trust me, it’ll be just like the old days....and your music will be nothing more than a smelly skidmark on this decade’s dirty underpants.

Unless of course you’d prefer to be beaten relentlessly with a sock full of pennies and sent to bed with a cyanide nightcap, sleeping soundly with concrete slippers at the very bottom of the Chesapeake

Both can be arranged. But I assure you the latter will be the most fun.

For me.

Fuck the RIAA.

Bwentman — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 08:26:00 GMT

Yea, you heard me motherfuckers.

You're all a bunch of assholes.

I know you're probably thinking that by sueing this crippled, empoverished, stroke victim, you're making an example for the rest. In some weird, fucked up, corporate suck-and-fuck kind of way, I know you think this is sending a message to the people. A message that says, "We don't give a fuck about any of you...and it doesn't matter if you are poor, disabled, and obviously not stealing music, we're going to take you to court and suck you dry anyway. Because, that's just the kind of people we are." And if that's the message you're trying to send. Well, it's coming in loud and clear. Roger that.

I know. I know. I'm kidding. I know that's not the message you're trying to send. But, you should stop sending it anyway. It's just making everyone hate you more than they already do. Isn't that obvious? Aren't you supposed to understand your audience...or something? Don't they teach you people anything in college? Or did you just lie, backstab, and cheat your way to graduation? And then bring those wonderful tactics into your business life?

I'm guessing the latter.

Don't you realize that thousands of people, as we speak, (including me) are boycotting buying (or downloading) music for the entire month of March? And thousands more have opted out of your imperialistic bullshit, switching to downloading DRM free, ass-fuck free, music from online music stores like emusic., or buying solely from independent music stores and labels. Basically, leaving you, alone and bawling, standing at the altar, in hell, with your deformed bastard child cradled in your claws. (that's a metaphor for how stupid you are, and how bad popular music is these days, by the way. Since you probably missed most of freshman english because you were sticking shit up your ass, or whatever.)

If only you money-grubbing fuckers would realize that if you didn't forcefeed crappy music to people, cram it down their throats...then sue them, you probably wouldn't have to worry so much about getting stolen from. Plus, perhaps if you even had better ways of keeping music from getting leaked, then you'd most likely cut illegal downloading by the thousands, if not millions. Oh, and perhaps you should do better research. Just a thought....

Because it seems like every time I hear about another case of somebody getting sued, it's like...an old lady, somebody who doesn't even own a computer....or somone's unborn child. You people are just a bunch of bumbling idiots. There are no words harsh enough to express the stupidity here.

In addition, anyone who reads this should start boycotting the RIAA right now. I know there are a lot of really good CDs coming out this month, trust me, I know. But, you can buy them all at the end of March. It won't be that bad, and it's not hard...plus it might even make a dent and kick these fuckers off their high-horses. But, if you really really, really, just absolutely positively have to buy some CDs this month, try to purchase them online at one of the independent digital music stores, or buy them used.

P.S. If you're looking for some interesting reading on the exploits, fuck-ups, and various bunglings of the RIAA, check out this site.

Also, RIAA Radar. is an amazing site that basically teaches you why the RIAA sucks and how to find/buy music that wasn't anally raped by their penises As well, gadget blog Gizmodo has a similar article/guide called The Anti-RIAA Manifesto. which is also extremely helpful/informative. The alternatives are plentiful, safe, legitimate, and abundant. Here. Here. And here.

All you have to do is look, and you'll find something out there somewhere.

I've given you the information. NOW GO!!!! GO FORTH CHILDREN AND FEAST UPON THIS PLETHORA OF KNOWLEDGE!!!! READ!!!!! LEARN!!!!!

LEARN!!!! LEARN!!! LEARN!!!!

That is all.

Clash of the Titans....

Bwentman — Sat, 10 Mar 2007 10:38:09 GMT

What would it be like if two of the greatest poets of the past century met together in one mind-alteringly amazing mash-up.

Hm?

I'm talking, of course, about Robert Zimmerman and Theodor Seuss Geisel.....eehhh, wait. Yes, yes. I mean Bob Dylan and Dr. Seuss.

Amazing right?

This is definitely one of the most original. Most profound. Most fun mash-ups I've ever come across. Which, I think, is the fundamental problem with most things these days. A lot of the fun that used to be floating around has been sucked out and replaced with a shiny, metallic sense of profit and industry and merchandising and buying and selling. It's quite refreshing to run across something of this caliber, kicking around the tubes of the interweb, just waiting to be discovered by the teeming masses.

This is truly the best testament to not only the genius of Dylan and Seuss, but of the minds of the creators. It pays tribute to both sources equally, and just goes to show, that with a little simple ingenuity and a creative spirit, armed to the teeth with guns of pop-culture glory, human beings are capable of nothing less than unrivaled perfection.

I know what you're thinking....Yes. As far as I'm concerned, this is the crowning achievement of the entire human race. At least for this decade.

Not only are there 7 quality tracks, but they're all up for download. For free. Plus, there's album artwork and a CD label.

I mean seriously...when was the last time you got that much shit out of a mash-up? Out of anything, really...for free? Hm?

You've got the timeless poetic sounds of Bob Dylan's music, in crowning concordance with the sweet-symphonies of Dr. Seuss' words. Is there anything else you could want? I'd like to tip my hat to whomever brought forth this melodic bijou into fruition. Because, it belongs here. It really does. Taking its rightful place in the annals of musical freedom and...well, ok, I could go on forever. That's the truth, and odds are, I would. But, tonight I'm exercising the small bit of self-control I have, and cutting it here. I'll leave it at this.

It's hard to imagine anyone listening to this CD without a smile on their face. It's probably even hard to imagine yourself not smiling. It's that much fun.

Dylan Hears A Who.

You know you have to.

Just cuz....

Bwentman — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 17:59:17 GMT

Top Five Spoken (or mostly spoken) Word Songs

1. _Tom Waits--Nirvana_ This song reminds me a lot of Jack Kerouac. It's amazing how similar Tom Waits is to the beat generation, and that whole raw, stream of consciousness style.

2. _William Shatner--Together_ It was so hard to pick just one song from the Shat....but this takes the cake.

3. _Eels--Susan's House_ I'm fairly new to the Eels...so I'm still getting my bearings on their music, but I really dig this song.

4. _Baz Luhrmann--Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)_ Originally written by a columnist for the Chicago Tribune, this is a fantastic speech. I first heard it in high school after seeing Moulin Rouge. Changed my life man.

5. _Gorillaz--Fire Coming Out of the Monkey's Head_ Don't think I saved the best for last. Really I only had four songs in mind for this list originally. But, you can't just do four and not five, you know. So I just picked another one randomly. Not to say I don't like it, because I do. I'm a big Dennis Hopper AND Gorillaz fan. So, I quite enjoy this song.

Feel free to add a couple songs you enjoy.

Oh, they're good.

Bwentman — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 02:53:52 GMT

I love the View. Frankly, I just love them.

They're one of my favorite bands of the moment, and their music is soothing in a way I can't really explain. It's like, classic. Safe, I suppose. In a sense, it sounds like everything you've ever heard that was good, but yet it's got something a little different...a little extra, that keeps you listening track after track. (And I didn't mean safe as in "It's going to be acceptable that I like this, it fits exactly within the genres I say I like" I mean comfortable. Like the Beatles, or Pink Floyd.)

I can dig it big, yo.

The best I can describe it is...if the members from the Clash (including a zombie Joe Strummer fresh out of his sunken grave for a 20 year reunion tour) after a gig in New York met up with the Hives, who were chilling with Jet in a seedy downtown bar, and they all ended up just sitting around getting drunk and playing a bunch of old blues tunes. And occasionally some of their own shit. It's a poignant mix of early punk flecked with tiny nuggets of classic blues-influenced rock and roll staples. And it's a neat little package. It works perfectly because it makes me see things, video clips and photos in my mind, that work with the music.

Every track on Hats off to the Buskers sounds like it could be the theme song for a late 80s/early 90s teeny television show where the main character narrates. You know, like Polaris with Pete and Pete, or Joe Cocker with The Wonder Years. Sometimes it does have a 90s feel to it. A slight Presidents of the United States of America vibe or a sense of northwestern grunge that sends to mind images of plaid shirts and long greasy, stringy hair. Summed more succinctly, a lot of the album gives a distinct "Fuck all" feeling that gets your blood boilin' and your soul a hankerin' for social revolution and what-not.

And you know...I like that feeling.

So, with that said, I know you all wanna get right the fuck out there and buy the album--Hats off to the Buskers.

Orrr....check out the myspace.

Orrrrr.....the attached mp3.

I'm hoping you do all three.

Not the least bit related to music...but probably a good read.

Bwentman — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 17:26:35 GMT

Look at ‘em. The Simpsons. The classic American family. 2.5 kids, a dog, a cat, and more dysfunction than they know how to handle. I love the Simpsons. I really do. I think it was one of the most charming and sophisticated animated shows to ever be televised. I think for about 10 years it was America’s best satire of itself, and also it’s most convincing propaganda. Which is what made it so beautiful. It was constantly reinventing ways to entertain its audience. With tons of characters(a whole city's worth, so the fun was never-ending)Sight gags, sign gags, and non sequitur, the show was simply unbeatable. (I’m fairly certain the Simpsons pioneered the use of non sequitur on television, it was just intensified by shows like Family Guy, or Adult Swim.) Irony. Classic film references. Current events. Celebrity roast. Political and social satire. You name it, they had it.

The reason I say this is because I've been going through a bit of a bored patch in my life recently...and I've been watching a lot of _Simpsons_ on DVD to fill the time. (I have them all). And I thought back to when the _Simpsons_ went shitty. Now, I know there are some fans out there who would vehemently disagree, but it's the God's honest truth. Anyone who tries to say that _The Simpsons_ is one of the few shows that never "jumped the shark", is an asshole. A stupid asshole who's got a fist so far up the anal cavity, they don't know shit from shinola. They don't know a _damn_ thing. They don't even know what they like anymore. They know they "like _the Simpsons_" so they continue to watch and vegetate to the vacuous humorless romp it has become in recent years. Simply because they're holding on to some pathetic notion that the show will somehow miraculously improve overnight. Well, that ain't gonna happen. The show is at the end of its rope. All the great ideas have been used, every last resource squandered and spread over the course of a handful of fantastic seasons. Bottom line.

The dirty truth is _The Simpsons_ has jumped the shark. Yes indeedy. It's hard to pinpoint an exact episode....but, from my calculations it looks to have jumped the shark somewhere between midway through the 10th season, although I'd go as far as saying it started with the very first episode of the 11th. This is when I first started to notice a decline in writing, the waning of character driven, heartfelt plots (less and less episodes ended with a lesson learned or a moral value expressed) and the waxing of stupidity (frequent guest stars, a ten-fold increase in "low brow" humor, asinine new catchphrases, or catchmotions, and hollow caricatures of the characters themselves)

Season 11 started with a dull bang as Mel Gibson scored a spot guest starring in the very first episode. Homer joined a biker gang. Apu had eight babies. The idiotic episode where Homer has that fucking glove he hits people with. Oh, and who can forget--Maude Flanders, killed off completely. All of that can be found in the 11th season. Without a single shred of doubt, I can say, with no remorse, that this was exactly when _the Simpsons_ started to turn shitty. At this time, my viewing of new episodes began to significantly slide. I'd miss them repeatedly on Sundays and find myself not caring. Not even..._wanting_ to watch it. ( I was always up for the re-runs of older episodes from 5 to 6...then they changed it to 6 to 7, and from then, to just one episode at 6) And it was ok, I had my re-runs, my books, and my toys, I'd live without it. And I did. I found other shows, as you invariably do, and was happy with my choices. Almost end of story. It still nagged. The question:

"How in the hell did one of the greatest shows on television go from pop-culture greatness to a shallow wet grave dug in the bag of a junkyard?"

And I don't know that it had to do with the writing. Because, some of the same writers who are still doing episodes to this day, have written previous seasons' episodes, some of which I consider among my favorites.

I just think it has to do with....

A.) Nothing can last forever. Or....no, I'll say, _nothing gold can stay_. Yea. That works. In one form, something creatively manufactured with active imaginations can only exist with the same amount of quality for so long. That is, before it starts to degrade into a rehashing of previous episodes, methodic dispatching of main characters, or the introduction of new characters and ubiquitous guest stars you just can't escape. (The irony is, most of the things that the show eventually fell victim to, were made light of in the actual show, many seasons before) For _the Simpsons_, that time period was about 10 years, give or take six months. After that, the show had become lackluster, a pop-culture staple. Worn out. (Like your pair of chuck taylors, scene fag) Tv is an entertainment medium, and most of what's on it flows directly from the ebb of the general public's tide. Read, _they put the crap on that people want to watch_. These days I think the ratings on _the Simpsons_ are only achieved through a meager sampling of die-hard fans and a new generation of teens and kids who've only just now been introduced to _the Simpsons_. Which means, their type of humor is invariably what they'll be wanting. Which is, for all intents and purposes, completely and totally different than the type of humor the show used to exude. Which brings me back to the writers. Being older guys, mostly growing up in the 60s or 70s, they're out of touch with this kind of humor. Nothing offensive meant by it, but when you're part of a generation, then another generation happens...you kind of lose touch. You can see the shift, in-show references and things of the like change from classic cinema and music to popular trends and fashions. But, you _can_ see that they're trying...they just don't know what the hell they're doing. And nobody's telling them because it's.... "_The Simpsons_"! Most of the new teenage fans could probably watch the episode about the Be Sharps and _be_ completely lost. Or the episode with Bobo the bear and miss out of half of the pop-culture commentary/classic cinema references. They just wouldn't...get it.

There's this huge generation gap between the people who make the show and people who watch the show. But, in the past, this wasn't the case. For a while, the audience was once of the same disposition as the creators--baby-boomers fresh off the Cold War, the Bush administration, the Reagan administration, economically weary and tired of everything. And the creators made light of this. If it wasn't relevant to say...something that happened during the 80s, then it was relative to some sort of major event the viewers most likely witnessed as a child or teenager, such as classic film references, pop music, and the Nixon presidency.

I doubt that younger viewers today would even so much as recognize Nixon's weary visage, much less understand what the hell he did or why it's funny. But, that's the way of things, the past is partially ingrained but mostly imbibed through schoolteachers and history books. Some things get forgotten, left out on purpose, or simply not taught. But, honestly, newer generations will never fully understand the generation before it. (Or after, for that matter.) There's something that comes from being..._in it_. Just _in it_, that gives a person this innate sense of knowledge, a unique sense of being, and a firm grasp on their place in the world and inner workings of society.

A divine understanding of the present, is all we'll ever have. The past is too complicated, unexplainable at times, and the future, too unsure.

B.) The truth is, it's television, and the only thing that really honestly can last for more than 10 solid seasons, is a soap opera. Because then, the bar is nice and low. Just like the ratings.

To tell you the truth, I haven't watched a new episode in years. Literally...years. I don't know what it's like these days and I don't want to know. I could tell how bad it was starting to get...and that was in the 9th grade. I felt like a rat deserting a sinking ship. And what's worse was....I felt bad. Guilty, even.

Like I said, it's not the writing per se, because these same writers used to have talent. But I think it's a loss of chemistry. The kind of chemistry you get when you pile a whole bunch of kids in the same room. They talk about similar music, movies they've seen, and tell anecdotes from their lives. They get excited because they feel accepted and liked. You had this chemistry with the old writers because they were all from the same generation, and so they'd sit around and talk and toss ideas back and forth, and they would get it. Because they had experienced it, and they were there. It made sense.

Now, the older writers are mingling with the new writers every day... coming up with this amalgamated, new, confusing style. And it feels like they're trying to hang on to the stolidity of the early episodes while quietly inserting socially relevant ideas and humor. It's a simple clash of generations. The old guys are coming up with and tossing out these really great ideas that make the young guys say "What...? I don't know if the kids today will understand that." And vice versa. Most of the time this generational fusing comes out a little scratchy, warbling like an old record. This makes the show messy and hard to watch.

I see it now as a blessing. Kind of. We got 9 or 10 good seasons. Really good seasons. Which is plenty more than a fan needs. Then we got _Futurama_, which stuck around for a while, and of course, _Family Guy_. Which I'll admit, I do actually like _Family Guy_ all right...but in the same way that I like _Space Ghost_, or _The Brak Show_. Its one fatal flaw is that most of the material is completely hit-or-miss. The majority of the time when it hits, it hits big, and it's funny as hell. But, there are other times when I can't even begin to find the show even mildly humorous. In any way. (And, for the record, previous to season 10 _the Simpsons_ were never hit-or- miss, and every joke made me at least smile, but most of the time, laugh out loud.) _Futurama_, I think, was Matt Groening's cry for help. It was his way of carrying out his old, still grand, vision he'd had for _the Simpsons_. And he was able to do so by branching out with completely new characters--characters whose stories are much fresher than that of any character on _the Simpsons_. Becuase this was exactly around the time _the Simpsons had started to go downhill. And I really think he wanted to jump ship, but couldn't, and so he did the next best thing. There was more stretching room with _Futurama_. And, of course, being set in the future, it was a perfect place for sight gags and social satire. And it was perfect, some argue that it was an even better show than _the Simpsons_. Buuuuut. I don't know about that.

_Family Guy_ is more of an obvious satire of the television family, but kind of stupid and less...good. The show concentrated mainly on absurd non sequitur and one rapid-fire, distasteful joke after another. It was a blatant rip-off of the _the Simpsons_ But, definitely had a much more flippant attitude towards current events, politics, and entertainers. (_The Simpsons_ was almost never completely in-your-face about such things, and always managed to voice it's criticism behind the veil of subtle pop-culture references and dignified sight gags.) Although _Family Guy _was never as flippant as say..._South Park_, it's still pretty damn flippant, nonetheless.

Anyway, what I'm saying is, in general, is that society has phases. Waves. Fads. But not really fads...it's more like a phase. Or wave. You can spot these phases by what movies are made during this time, and what's on TV. Mainly, because these are the largest of the two media devices, they influence the most people and most of what happens in the popular culture. Anything not covered by the current phase is considered a sub-culture or, if need be, a counterculture. (Or an "indie", which is the term we like these days. But, don't even get me started on "indie." Yeesh. Pre-packaged image. It's all about pre-packaged images. Blech.) Usually sub-cultures come back in 20 or 30 years to make a tremendous splash with the new generation. At which time said subculture would then be assimilated into the mainstream culture and widely accepted. Other times they never come back...and are ignored. Except by scholars and historians, of course. Who in turn get ignored by everyone else. The cycle thus completes itself.

_The Simpsons_ was simply riding the crest of one these culture phase-waves. For about 10 years it was pop culture. "Don't have a cow man!" "Eat my shorts!" "D'oh!" People were laughing, wearing the shirts, sporting the merchandise, quoting endlessly the seemingly endless bundle of _Simpson_ quotations.

Then it ceased to be. It tapered off. The wave started to break. _The Simpsons_ were still there, still getting ratings, still on the air....but the craze was gone. Once other networks saw the great success an animated show (with quality writing) could have, the cat was out of the bag. They branched out, sally-forthed, created other animated shows and piled on their own brand of spin and jive. There was a time when _The Simpsons_ was a great show. Yes. While it was riding the crest of that wave...it was untouchable. It was utterly fantastic. But somewhere along the way everybody got disoriented and starting doing wacky things--stuffing logs into the cogs of the fine-tuned gears that was _the Simpsons_ writing machine. After that, the machines never worked the same, and just kept chucking out faulty episodes with character holes and non sequiturs, thin guest star spots and cliche, feebly trying to stay hip with the changing tides.

But, I think it just ended up feeling like an old man instead.

And that's the problem. With it all. Everything gets old. Everything feels out of place. And everything dies. There's no argument with that. You can't be on top forever. This one's old and it definitely feels out of place. It's been in the midst of its death throes for nigh on 8 years now, and seriously, honestly, I think it's time to put the old girl out of her misery. Which, I'm thinking, (and hoping) they will do once the movie is released. After that...I think they'll call it quits. That's _fine_. That's _good_. _Perfect_, even. Hopefully they saved some of the better bits for the movie. And that'll be good. Go out with a little dignity that way. On the zenith of mountain piled high with cash. Swimming naked in a vault full of gold doubloons.

And that's what the show deserves, a quiet dignified death at the hands of its creators. Sometimes when shows start to go by the wayside, they are prematurely cut short and end on a rocky, unsatisfying note. Which, in truth, is a terrible way to treat the audience. It makes them feel stupid. Just because killing off the characters or introducing a gigantic deus ex machina is easy for you, does NOT equate any level of quality to the show, nor does it include the audience in its final moments, the way it had previously included them in the beginning and middle. (Note, most of what makes entertainment mediums like movies and TV so popular, besides accessibility, is the escapism factor. And once an audience becomes mentally aware of that factor, they no longer can enjoy it like they once did. Now it's just "a tv show" or just "a movie". The moment you lose them, they're gone forever. And there's absolutely no winning them back.) It makes them feel stupid, and rarely do viewers like to feel stupid. Or left out.

If there's anything a show gone awry, or an audience gone astray, deserves, it's a quiet, decent burial.

So, eh...I think I'm done. I'm done with the show. I'll buy season 10 when it comes out, but that's it. Nothing other than those 10 seasons will ever be watched, and nothing _Simpsons_ will ever be purchased again. I'll always be fond of that show because it shaped my sense of humor and impacted my life so expertly It was a damn good show and I'm thanking it for that. But I'm throwing in the towel. God bless fellow _Simpsons_ fans. Agree or not, that's how it is. You can hide behind your fraudulent smile and hauntingly fake laughs, but there's just no gettin' around the cold hard facts. You had your fucking cake and you wanted to eat it too? Well, shame on you....you didn't want just _one_ piece..._you wanted them all_. You greedy fucker. Face it, this show sucks. And pretty soon it's going to be eating the veritable dirt pie, just like its television predecessors. Just be a sport and admit it. You're only hurting yourselves.

You can call me stupid or you can call me wrong. But I'm a fucking _fan_. _I am a_ Simpsons _fan_. And I'm damn proud of it. And I know what the fuck I'm talking about. So get the fuck outta here.

Toodles.

(P.S. Sorry for the extreme length of this post, but it's a subject I'm very passionate about. Capeesh?)