Emotion's Eternal Battle With Itself

To know me is to know a fairly good-natured, optimistic individual who believes in potential and general goodness. I am indeed a jokester and a cartoonist by profession. It is because of my general happy nature that I find it incongruous that I am drawn towards unhappy music. The sincere expression of profound depth and crushing sadness commands my attention like nothing else. Maybe it's a result of all the unhappiness I harbored in my teenage years, residual bits of which still cling to my soul like so much lint. From Elliott Smith to Steven Merritt and sad songs in generally happy musicians' catalogues, I would have thought that my constant seeking of misery in music was intentional. Since I am me I know it is not. Like anything that deals with the extreme internalizations of intangibles, perhaps this is something best not undeconstructed. Sadness in music is a pure expression of feeling, therefore, it is music of higher potency. Maybe this all boils down to having an addictive personality. In any event, I feel it.