This Holiday, Say It With Ridiculous Band Merchandise
The holidays are upon us, and we are all running around frantically in search of ways to make them extra special. Well, stop running, friends, we got your back. Join our special presentation of exquisite band merchandise. Dos and Don'ts, essential items, household treasures, and trends; there is something for everyone. What better way to express your love to your family and friends than to give them a musical gift that speaks a thousand words.
For that special night
Have a special date coming up? Don't panic, we're here to help. Invite your object of desire over for dinner, and make this a night to remember.
First of all, make sure your place smells like a bed of roses, with Misfits and Sublime air fresheners. Guaranteed to hide everything that needs to be hidden, and give your night that little bit of ''umph'' needed.
On to dinner! Start with Pimpjuice, courtesy of Nelly. This is actual pimp's juice that will pimp you up in return, and it's known to be an aphrodisiac that puts oysters to shame. For main course, serve Kenny Rogers chicken; it can only be found in Asia right now, so your guest will know how much trouble you went through to find it. For the grand finale, go with Marilyn Manson's absinthe, aka Mansinthe. Trust us, you'll end up chasing green Manson fairies between the sheets in no time. You're welcome.
For the toddlers
Here we examine three dos and dont's of baby fashion, for your consumer pleasure only.
Ramones baby bib is ideal for your baby's vomit, snot, drool, and other facial fluids; what better way to honour Johnny's memory? This fantastic item will absorb everything in 2:30 minutes, which incidentally is how much Beat On The Brat lasts.
The Bon Jovi baby one-piece is kind of redundant, despite its pure and loving motherly intention. If mommy loves Bon Jovi enough to buy you this, there was no need to buy it; we would have been able to tell.
From the Metallica camp comes this baby one-piece, that basically depicts a dagger-holding hand coming out of a loo, and the slogan underneath reads ''metal up your booty''. If you stumble into this one, PLEASE CALL SOCIAL SERVICES.
For everybody's libido
May we interest you in an Electric Six promotional sex toy? You'll have to use your imagination for that one, because trying to google that image made us believe that Christmas really came early this year.
Should we go all sophisticated and European? Ramstein offer a lovely dildo boxset, containing pink dildos, handcuffs, and lube. All in one, and all in all, this is the ideal Christmas present for your mother. She gave you life and the Ramones baby bib, this is the least you can do for her.
[Du hast me gefragt, und ich habe ''what the fuck'' gesagt.]
HIM, on the other hand (pun intended), offer you a whip blessed by His Infernal Majesty himself; it works both to punish naughty boys and gals under mistletoe, and also to whip HIM fans into good music taste. Either way, it's a keeper.
We know where those drunken celebrations can lead, and so do you, so remember to put your Santa's hat on. Here you can see two of our all time best sellers, from Manowar and Enter Shikari. The former because they offer a discreet carrying case to go with, and the later because they put their song Jonny Sniper into excellent use.
For the teenagers
Teenagers are notoriously hard to please, but with these Fall Out Boy talking dolls, success is guaranteed. Their talking range goes from hate and pain to eyeliner applying tutorials. Plus, their design holds classic vintage value as it is obviously a nod to the gingerbread man. Trust us, after this, if your teenage sons and daughters were allowed to smile, they would.
For our animal friends
Dogs love the Jonas Brothers, and that's a fact. So what better way to cheer up your faithful companion other than giving him/her this OMJ T-shirt on Christmas eve? You'll put a smile on his face, and make all the other dogs exclaim ''Oh My Jonas'' as he struts down the street. Next on our list are two items from the Bone Jovi line. A fresh new spin on the classic dog collar to keep your friend nice and trendy, and also the misunderstood bandanna. It will be THE thing to wear in 2010, mark our word, dear friends. Be ahead of fashion and buy one now.
For all the household needs
Tenacious D's cum rag works on so many levels that can only be categorized as a household miracle that everyone will appreciate. It can be used to fight those stubborn stains, clean computer screens, as a hankie, in the kitchen, or to cheer up your child that can take it to school, and show off the cute unicorn. Just remember to wash it after each individual use.
For a unique afterlife
If fate has been cruel to you during the holidays, we can do nothing else than offer our sincerest condolences and express our unfathomable sorrow by giving you a discount on this hand-crafted Kiss casket. Also, first 50 orders get 6 Gene Simmons look-alikes to carry it.... CALL NOW!
Comments (36)
I don't know why I'm surprised to see a KISS casket. I shouldn't be, but I am.
The offer is still valid. Just sayin'.
"Ramstein offer a lovely dildo boxset, containing pink dildos, handcuffs, and lube. All in one, and all in all, this is the ideal Christmas present for your mother." Ha ha! I'm on it!
Good stuff. I played golf with a guy about 10 years ago who had Kiss headcovers, Kiss ball markers, and when he got into his car (an old Trans Am!) his plates said KissARME.
Colin, don't thank me, thank the German uberlords of rock.
funoka, KissARME ahahahhaahhahahah I wish I didn't know that :P
Kiss have pretty much marketed everything, I think. If they could clone themselves and sell the clones online, they would.
Hahahahahah! Anna. I love this. I remembered the other day that I bought Tom a Jon Bon Jovi wallhanging (life size Bon Jovi) for his birthday when we were teens. Oh how beauteous it was and he hung it up! I posted this on Facebook - even though you hate it. How are you? I miss you!! Might not have time to meet up before Christmas as have loads to do. When are you next in London? Love xxx
Aw thank you, Helen!
Oh goodness, what an extraordinary present ahahhahaha
I'll have the bf find you on Facebook and I'll stalk you and your photographs :) I have to see this!
Not sure when I'll next come to London, maybe in February to see Depeche Mode. I haven't decided yet (I'll probably get lost trying to get to the O2 anyway ahahha).
Hope to see you soon! Come to Leeds come to Leeds whenever you can!
xxx
PS I'm buried under Leeds International Film Festival at the moment, plenty of class stuff there. A week ago I saw 4 films in one day. And I lived to tell!
I will come to Leeds! I had such fun last time. As soon as I have a spare weekend, I'll be there. 4 films in 1 day - do you remember them as distinct entities or are they all merged into each other? xxx
I will find your bf on Facebook. You should buckle and join! xxx
I haven't given the finger to any DJs since you left, I'll have you know. It's our special thing.
You'll see the new house as well!
I do remember that the movies were all thrillers that day.... I remember the best ones of the day and the bad ones are a blur, but that's a good thing.
I shall not be Facebooked (famous last words).... but I'll stalk you regardless!
xxx
Personally, I'm just buying my family a case of Lil Jon's crunk juice for Christmas!
http://www.crunkenergydrink.com/
Awwww, Anna. I laughed so heartily to myself about my translation of the Baba Yaga story from French to English for you. We must insult DJs and read French picture books together again very soon! xxx
Leeds International Film Festival - surely that's an oxymoron.
When seducing the ladee before enjoying the Rammstein gift set, a bit of this could be in order:
Oops you already said pimpjuice..maybe there should be a pimp juicer for the health concious.
"it works both to punish naughty boys and gals under mistletoe, and also to whip HIM fans into good music taste" Ouch! That's ok, I've made piece with my '14 year old emo girl' taste in music (as a friend calls it).
well done!
Hello, Jonh!!
Anna, I found bf on Facebook! You're free to stalk x
are the vibrators for guys or girls......I mean the band is german right?
a shopping I will go ... LOL!!! :D
A Tenacious D cum rag, how 'bout that! The world is a better place, ahahahaha! Real life is strange ain't it?
JAJA... GREAT STUFf!
Cheers,
Helen, poor Baba Yaga with her tooth! I'll be waiting for ya and stalk you online in the meantime xxx
Scot and Jonh, I think that juice is what got Gucci Mane in jail.
Jonh, regarding your festival comment,
Cody, I'm going to go pimp my juicer. I am!
Daniel ahahahah well, the 14 year old emo girl won you a nice present, so there :)
Aww thank you, MOG-father!
Kevin, I think they are unisex.
Cinful, quickly! Before our stock runs out! :D
Uncle A, I think that's my favourite item up there. The fact that it's combined with a child-friendly image makes it even more brilliant. It can also make for a great Valentine's day gift. ahhahahahha
Thank you, playpal! xxx
Yes, the unicorn, rainbow & happy flower make it seem as though they just misspelled a word and is oh so 'innocent' looking. Jack Black is a comic genius!
How did you find all these anyway?
it's hard to believe that people buy this stuff...
then again, people will buy anything.
Uh oh, looks like I am not the only one on Mog who gets a flogging because of their terrible taste in music!
Meanwhile I am saving up for a Ramones lunchbox...
woah !
Uncle A, research research research. Those 4 years I was tortured with journalism in college are finally paying off :)
ardyjormkiv, I've already ordered my cum rag, I don't know what you're talking about :P
Darla, nawww! We all like this or that band that others don't fancy. Life wouldn't be fun otherwise!
Judy, I know.... !
Wow. Even as a plush doll Pete Wentz is a douche.
All our products are true to life...
Mansinthe? Mansinthe???!!!??? OH-EM-GEE.
what a chockful of goodies post! there truly is something for everyone at all in the universe.
and lady, this just became my new favorite quotable of yours...
"[Du hast me gefragt, und ich habe ''what the fuck'' gesagt.]"
...seriously, too funny. ;D
Mansinthe...?...
I thought that learning German would never pay off, but if it gives me a better handle on Ramstein lyrics, I think I got my learning's worth. ahahhahhahha
Thank you!
Mansinthe... I know... the first time I read about it I wished I had a Tenacious D cum rag handy to dry my laughing tears.
This is one of your better posts, which is saying a lot. If all else fails, you'd be good at sales.
Why thank you!
I'm thinking newspaper sales.... ''EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT'' and all that :)