Me, Myself, and I
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Artist:
Following the pack: http://mog.com/Anna/blog/265992
I'm Pekka, and my last name is even more Finnish than my first. I started MOGging in Sept. 2006 as an ideal way for a music geek who works at home a lot to procrastinate. I'm an academic whose writing flows much better at home than in the campus office. Substituting cigarette breaks with MOGging also helped me quit smoking. I've been very quiet on MOG for the past six months or so, settling into a new country and a new job, but now I'm back to procrastinate some more.
I'll be 35 next month. It feels like a kind of tipping point for me, in that I'm finally starting to feel younger than my years. I was inordinately serious through high school, college, and grad school. I've been getting progressively less serious and more goofy since then. I learned to read when I was 4 years old, I did well in school without really having to try hard, I thought I knew everything better than anyone else, and I was selfish. So, yeah, I was an annoying kid. I was also a shy and chubby kid who wore glasses since 2nd grade and read a book a day instead of making many friends. The cooler, tougher kids ganging up on me made 4th and 5th grade pretty bad, but left no permanent scars as far as I can tell.
My parents divorced when I was 8. The divorce itself was a long time coming and a good thing, as my dad (also an academic, though in a field different from mine) was either fairly absent from family life or else cranky. But, as the older of two brothers (I also have two younger half-sisters) in a single working parent home, a lot of responsibility fell on me. I learned how to cook and clean under a tight budget by the time I was 15. I never really felt a need to rebel. My brother would have to goad and annoy me for a couple of hours before I would lose my nerve and enter the fight that he wanted. I suppose I'm still regarded as patient, even-tempered, trustworthy, if maybe a bit weird. I also was shy and brainy enough that I was never any good with girls. I mustered enough courage to ask two girls out in high school. Each said no. Once, out of seeing no good reason not to do so since I wasn't going to have the chance myself, I supplied a condom to a guy who was about to shag one of them. I never felt my childhood or teens were miserable, though. Despite all the fighting, my brother and I were and remain very close. My mom's truly wonderful. Vacations with my dad gave me a chance to travel a fair bit in US and Europe. I got a lot of stimulation out of books.
I'd always listened to a lot of music. Before I could walk I would pull myself up on a bookshelf to shake my ass to certain popular Finnish songs of the time when they'd come on the radio and pull LPs from their sleeves to sit on them on my bare ass. But until high school my palette was somewhat limited, as most Finnish kids in the late 80s were either into heavy metal or disco pop. (I still like pre-1987 Iron Maiden.) My saving grace was discovering the music department of my public library while in high school. A knowledgeable buyer with a good taste had built up a huge collection of LPs and CDs. I would go in every few weeks, pick up 30-40 records, and listen through them, discarding what I didn't like, and trying to get more of what I did like in my next visit. That was my first lucky encounter with many artists I still love today (the Nuggets comps! The Stooges! The Ramones! The Buzzcocks! Joy Division! Gun Club! Roky Erickson! And Billie Holiday!), as well as loads of artists I don't really listen to any more but which expanded my capacity to appreciate different kinds of music. Not even Helsinki got that many indie bands coming through in the early 90s, and I missed a lot of what did come through due to lack of funds. A bit after high school I saw Offspring play at a ratty little dump of a venue that's since been condemned just as they were breaking through in the US; they didn't seem happy to be there. My most memorable concert experience from high school was seeing a Ramones/Iggy Pop double bill from the front row.
By the end of high school, I was playing guitar recreationally, spending much of my free time and whatever money I had on records, and getting interested in philosophy and the social sciences. A handful of close friends shared these interests, over drinks, walks, and hardly more than an occasional joint. I was starting to favor dark clothes. You get the drift of my pretensions at that age. I've always been a Scandinavian style Social Democrat in my social and political values; but I also enjoy reading The Economist for the quality of its coverage of world politics and economics.
After graduating from high school, I spent my freshman year of college in the US, where my dad had moved to teach, and decided I wanted to major in philosophy and try to do it for a living. I finished college back in Helsinki but had to leave behind my first serious relationship to do a PhD at Cornell. Ithaca, NY, was culturally and geographically isolated: good for working but bad for live music. My one serious relationship there was a somewhat destructive one. I finished my PhD as soon as I could and was lucky enough to land a job as assistant professor at UC Davis.
I then spent the next six years teaching, conferencing, writing and publishing academic papers, and catching what concerts I could in Sacramento (where I lived) and San Francisco. I worked on my vegetarian cooking (I've been a vegetarian with a serious cheese and chocolate habit since 18) and my red wine tastes. I learned to know even better still what I liked and wanted from my life. MOGging unleashed the lingering analytic tendencies in my thinking about music. After all, if I say of some piece of music that it evokes certain feelings in me, that just says something about me and my psychology, which is hardly of interest to many people. So I guess that when I MOG about some piece of music, it's often to clarify also to myself what I think about the music itself.
Despite enjoying many things about California, I started feeling stagnant after 11 years in the US and longing to spend more time in Europe. So, when offered a job with good terms at University of Leeds, where I already knew several likeable and smart people, I accepted, knowing that I'd be at least as happy professionally as I'd been in California and taking the steps I wanted in my personal life.
Since arriving in Leeds a few months ago, I've been having a blast and have been happier than ever. Work is fun (I'm still doing what I love for a living in a stimulating environment), I've had more gigs to go to than ever (loads of indie bands come through big university cities in UK), and I'm in a relationship that makes my heart sing and glow.
Locating MOG account...
Comments (15)
I love these posts! Especially in this case the end bit about you now being happier than ever, that's always great to hear. :)
"Substituting cigarette breaks with MOGging also helped me quit smoking" how on earth! I smoke while I MOG :)
Nice to meet you.
"I'm in a relationship that makes my heart sing and glow."
That right there makes me so happy. Good for you man, you deserve it.
Welcome! Very nice post, and I too am happy you have found someone worthy of a singing heart.
Stefan: Cheers! Really, I've just been lucky. I havent' yet had time to read too many of the other "get to know me" posts, but I'll be trying.
Anna: Are you saying you smoke indoors when MOGging? ... And the same to you!
Lakposhti: The pleasure's all mine!
Dale: Thanks! But, of course, I'm the sort of person to say that desert is a tricky notion. (I just finished supervising a PhD thesis on moral desert.)
Chris: Thanks -- the sort of camaraderie and sympathy you express is one of the things that endeared MOG to me to no end when I first got here!
it's great to learn more about you, Pekka. despite being a pseudo-vegetarian (i enjoy the occasional chicken and especially fish) with a cheese and wine habit, i outgrew my major chocolate habit in my mid-twenties without trying. the best of luck with a new life chapter in Leeds, and i'm happy to hear you're back Mogging. (;
Super read. Glad things are going so well in Leeds. "So I guess that when I MOG about some piece of music, it's often to clarify also to myself what I think about the music itself." Yep, I concur. after writing about music I'm often surprised to learn what my "real thoughts". A lot of what we really feel is buried under brain noise. Welcome back to Mog.
Poe, how did you outgrew your major chocolate habit??? You're a witch, aren't you. I knew it, I always knew it! ;)
Me, myself and I? Although I've had the pleasure of meeting and conversing with one or two of you, it was no less interesting getting more biographical and philosophical insights, Pekka. And it was a first-rate read to boot, Here's wishing you continued success and happiness, despite the fact that you've abandoned us in Northern Cali! :-)
Anna, "outgrew" may have been a strong word. i still "binge" sometimes, like when i'm feeling so good or so bad. (;
It boosts all feelings, really :)
Hey Pekka, fantastic to know so much about you after sharing a beer or two. If and when you come to London lets put our elbows on the mahogany and have a few more.
Poe: My chocolate habit has been getting darker of late, if you know what I mean. As for MOGging, I'll be trying. I should also say that your own bio post made a big impression on me.
Colin: Every now and again, I've checked out your "real thoughts" as they emerge in the home taping series. Good times, and I feel I know you decently well from those!
Mike: What enjoyable occasions they were! I'm hoping to visit the Bay Area soon enough -- I'm counting on finding you at Bimbo's...
Jonh: The pleasure will be all mine. The interesting stories you have to tell are enough to make my head spin even without the ale.
"I'm in a relationship that makes my heart sing and glow."
Just wanna say that I feel the same way about you Pekka..............although I didn't think it was time to go public.
Also..........let me tell you the truth here. I'm a loser and I will probably remain a loser.........so I have a special place in my heart for those knowing how to pursue a life offering great happiness while turning professional ambitions into something real.